Letting Go of the Desire for the Next Stage in Parenting

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During a recent visit to the doctor, a nurse with five children and numerous grandchildren shared a piece of wisdom that resonated deeply with me: “It goes by too fast.” I often hear this sentiment, and it holds true. It feels like just yesterday I was a new father, standing over the crib of my son, Noah, on his first night at home. At 24, I watched him sleep, swaddled and tiny, acutely aware that my life was about to change in ways I couldn’t grasp. I felt anxious about stepping into fatherhood, with a sense of uncertainty that was both daunting and exhilarating. It was as if I were relinquishing control, embarking on a journey into the unknown world of parenthood.

From that moment on, my life transformed, and it continues to evolve. Parenting is a perpetual cycle of change. With Noah, the sleepless nights marked the initial hurdle, and now at 9 years old, our challenges revolve around homework and hygiene. Between these phases, countless other obstacles have emerged.

The reality of parenting is that I often find myself yearning for the next developmental stage, believing it will alleviate the struggles I currently face. For instance, my 2-year-old daughter, Lily, resists sleep and wakes frequently throughout the night, leaving my husband and me exhausted. We find ourselves daydreaming about the day she will sleep soundly through the night like her older siblings.

However, we seldom pause to appreciate Lily’s delightful personality. She is incredibly affectionate, often saying the most adorable things and eagerly welcoming me home. When I leave for work, she peeks through the pet door to bid me farewell—a sight that fills my heart with joy.

In contrast, Noah, my older son, has grown more independent. When I attempt to hug him at school, he often reacts with embarrassment. Upon my return home, his first request is for the iPad, bypassing any greeting or acknowledgment. This isn’t indicative of him being a bad child; it’s just the nature of a typical 9-year-old.

I find myself reminiscing about the days when Noah was as snuggly as Lily. I long for the moments when a simple kiss could remedy anything. Now, he’s more complicated, and I anticipate the day he will embrace chores without resistance or grasp the importance of his schoolwork. Yet, I must ask myself: What am I overlooking by fixating on the next stage?

I realize that I often look forward to my children’s growth with the hope that it will resolve current challenges. However, each stage introduces new hurdles and a sense of loss for what was once cherished. Instead of appreciating the present—like Lily’s adorable snuggles or the way she looks up at me with wide eyes—I focus on how much easier I believe the next stage will be.

Reflecting on the past, I remember the sleepless nights with Noah when I was balancing college and a part-time job. I often felt overwhelmed by exhaustion, but looking back, those late-night moments were my only chances to bond with him. They were precious opportunities to connect, which I can now appreciate from a distance.

The nurse’s advice about the fleeting nature of childhood resonates profoundly. Parenting is fraught with stress and chaos, yet once things settle down, there’s a sense of loss for what once was. We yearn for the simplicity of early childhood, forgetting to relish the joy of the present moment.

Tonight, as I navigate yet another sleepless night with Lily, I intend to embrace it. I will appreciate her soft hair, her tender little feet, and the warmth of her snuggles rather than wishing for the next phase of her development. Children do not remain young forever; their growth is rapid and inevitable.

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In summary, parenting is a journey marked by constant change and growth. It’s essential to appreciate each stage for its unique moments of joy and connection rather than obsessing over what lies ahead.

Keyphrase: Embracing the present in parenting

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