In my formative years, I grew up in a household where children were expected to be seen and not heard. Conversations were limited, dissent was frowned upon, and Sundays were reserved for church. I vividly recall being told that I could only wear jeans to school if they were brand new. By the age of ten, I was labeled a conservative Republican, a term I didn’t fully understand but accepted without question. My sisters and I complied with these norms, but deep down, I promised myself I would not raise my children in such a strict environment. I believed in giving them the freedom to explore and express themselves.
However, everything changed when my parents divorced during my junior high years. The atmosphere at home became more relaxed, and I finally felt like I could breathe. It was a much-needed transformation.
As the most vocal member of my family, I often felt a bit out of place. I can remember moments in church where I imagined standing on the pew, lifting my dress, and screaming just for the shock of it. I enjoyed shaking things up. Yet, after becoming a parent, I found myself unintentionally adopting some of the rigidity from my childhood—despite my earlier vows to avoid it.
While I always wanted my children to have the freedom to believe and be whoever they wished, I often found myself becoming overly tense in public settings. I held high standards for their eating habits and occasionally fell into the trap of overparenting. This inclination toward being overprotective felt instinctive, even though it mirrored the suffocating environment of my upbringing.
Nobody wants to raise a difficult child or be the parent of a kid who embarrasses others. Still, I recognized that I was implementing rules I couldn’t uphold. For instance, while driving to a birthday party, I told my son he couldn’t have cake due to his misbehavior. This was unfair to the generous host, who had gone out of her way to create a fun celebration.
Finding the right balance as a parent is challenging—a struggle that many of my peers also face. Past experiences can shape our parenting styles, often causing us to reflect on what we want to replicate or completely avoid. I have navigated both paths, and it can be both unsettling and liberating to watch my children engage in activities I was once prohibited from doing.
This summer, I made a conscious effort to embrace moments of freedom. I began to care less about minor issues, like allowing my kids to enjoy a soda or not obsessing over the state of their rooms. This shift didn’t make me a careless mother; rather, it revealed that I had been pushing too hard. My son once pointed out how I always strived for perfection, which struck a chord with me. I realized I never wanted them to believe that chasing perfection was the key to happiness. In fact, life is about making mistakes, learning from them, and growing stronger through those experiences.
I had been imposing unnecessary rules. It didn’t matter if the beds were made or if I vacuumed under the couch. If my kids wanted to sleep in their clothes to save time, why should I care? I found myself nagging incessantly. There were times when I couldn’t stand the sound of my own voice: “Go change your clothes,” I’d say, even though that second outfit would likely end up just as dirty as the first. “Go clean your fingernails.” But honestly, isn’t it typical for ten-year-old boys to have dirty fingernails? It shows they’re living life, getting dirty, and using their imaginations.
So, I decided to loosen my grip. My children don’t need constant micromanagement, and this doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent. Nor does it imply they will grow up to be disrespectful. They are unique individuals, not mere replicas of myself. They should be allowed to express themselves and, yes, even let out a belch in public—provided they apologize, of course.
Times have changed since my childhood. The notion that children should be seen and not heard is outdated. I understand that my parents were influenced by their upbringing, which led them to adopt a strict parenting approach. However, experiencing what I felt under such restrictions reminded me how suffocating it was, and I don’t want my children to feel that way. While we will have our moments of discipline, they should not be constant. I want my children to feel comfortable expressing their opinions without fearing retribution. I want them to differentiate between being disrespectful and standing up for what they believe, even if that means saying no to adults when necessary.
I aim to raise respectful, capable adults, and this can be achieved even if I ease up a bit. I’ve come to realize that caring less about trivial matters has made us all happier—especially me.
In conclusion, letting go of rigid rules has not only improved my parenting but has also fostered a more joyful environment for my children. For more information on parenting and related topics, check out this excellent resource. And if you’re curious about home insemination kits, visit here to learn more.
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