On a radiant September morning nearly two decades ago, I found myself at the back of a grand cathedral, adorned in an elegant ivory wedding gown, nervously gazing down the aisle. As my father offered his arm and the familiar wedding hymn began to play, I made my way down the aisle, hoping not to stumble before our gathered friends and family. The fragrant aroma of fresh roses and sunflowers filled the air as I approached the altar. Locking eyes with my husband, I suddenly felt a wave of calm wash over me, knowing we would take on the world together. When he lifted my veil, tears glistening in his eyes, he simply said, “You look beautiful.” Surrounded by our loved ones, we exchanged vows to love, honor, and cherish one another.
This cherished moment is just one among countless memories of who we were as “The Old Us”—a time before mortgages, college savings, and the demands of raising two children consumed our lives. We hardly resemble those youthful individuals at the altar; I now bear the marks of motherhood, with stretch marks and C-section scars, while he sports a receding hairline. Life has become so hectic that our dinner conversations often revolve around soccer practices, parent-teacher meetings, and our failing air conditioning unit.
The Old Us was characterized by spontaneity, romance, and passion. In contrast, The New Us has settled into a routine, filled with affection but often too exhausted for anything beyond the latest episode of House Hunters.
The gradual unraveling of The Old Us was subtle. Initially, new jobs in a different town filled our lives with excitement and busyness. Our first home was a flurry of renovations, and weekends were spent perfecting our garden. During those early years, we were busy, but we were together.
Then came the children, along with the chaos and sleepless nights. Our lives became a whirlwind of diaper changes and midnight runs to the store for supplies. Our children took the best of our energy, and by the end of exhausting days, we would collapse on the sofa, reminiscing about what The Old Us would think of our current reality.
Despite the fatigue, we remained together. Over the years, hints of The Old Us emerged during anniversaries and special occasions, where fleeting moments of romance and simple acts of kindness reminded us of our vows. Too often, we felt like two ships passing in the night, wishing for a moment of shared tranquility. As our children have matured, reconnecting has become easier, but resurrecting our former romantic selves remains a challenge. We recognize that the years of having children at home are fleeting, and soon we’ll have the chance to revive The Old Us.
But can we truly return to that version of ourselves once the kids are off to college? When we drive home to an empty nest after dropping them off, will we find ourselves with little to say? Recently, my partner and I acknowledged that for our marriage to endure and for us to rekindle The Old Us, we must start now while our children are still around. We’ve begun the journey of refocusing on each other and reigniting our connection. This is what our efforts entail:
- Sneaking out for cocktails while the teens are home; they likely won’t even notice you’re gone.
- Meeting for lunch during school hours and implementing a “no kid talk” rule—challenging, yet rewarding.
- Exploring new interests that foster engaging discussions (thank you, Hamilton: An American Musical).
- Allowing dinner to simmer on the stove while enjoying a glass of wine on the patio, discussing our workdays.
- Embracing intimate moments and discovering new ways to connect physically.
- Engaging in meaningful conversations about our future and crafting plans to make our dreams, like owning a beach house, a reality together.
- Reaching out to hold hands, feeling the deep bond that has seen us through breastfeeding, sleepless nights, and teenage drama.
- Recognizing that both of us feel a blend of excitement and apprehension about revisiting The Old Us.
- Acknowledging that despite the passage of time and the changes we’ve undergone, we remain together, scars and all.
On the day we pledged our lives to each other, our love was pristine, untouched by time or life’s challenges. While I long for the couple we once were, I also empathize with them; they were unaware that the best experiences were yet to come. They couldn’t have known the depth of intimacy that would arise from sharing worries about our children, comforting each other through tough times, and reconciling after disagreements. The Old Us could never have imagined that true beauty lies in the moments when, amidst the chaos of life, my husband looks at me, dressed in yoga pants and a messy bun, and says, “You’re beautiful” with genuine feeling.
We may be older now, but we are still together, and I eagerly anticipate rekindling The Old Us. It’s been too long since we embraced that side of ourselves.
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In summary, the journey to reconnecting with your partner is both a challenge and a rewarding experience. Embracing small moments of intimacy and prioritizing each other can breathe new life into your relationship.
Keyphrase: Rediscovering connection in marriage
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