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- Hey Kid, Time to Leave My Bed!
by Jamie Thompson
Updated: Sep. 13, 2016
Originally Published: Sep. 13, 2016
My precious child,
Let’s cut to the chase: your bedtime antics are testing my patience like never before. I understand that you’re only 4 years old and face genuine fears of the dark, imaginary monsters, and solitude. Trust me, I can relate. Just recently, your father and I were convinced that the strange noises coming from the washing machine were the sign of a lurking intruder. When he bravely left our room to confront what we assumed was a burglar, I was not at all certain he would return unscathed. In that moment, I wished I had a comforting blanket like you do. The darkness is daunting, and those unfamiliar sounds are unsettling.
But here’s the reality: the things that go bump in the night will haunt you for life. None of us are as courageous as we would like to believe.
That being said, we need to establish a new sleeping arrangement. To be frank, your grandparents were superheroes. They managed to raise four children—each with their own set of nightmares, thunderous storms, and midnight cuddles—with a level of poise that I am struggling to replicate. I try, I truly do! But no one prepared me for this level of exhaustion.
I’m not quite sure where you learned that starfish sleeping technique, but it certainly makes it challenging for two adults and one small child to share a queen-size bed. I could learn to tolerate the tiny sliver of mattress if it meant a peaceful night’s rest. However, that’s not the reality we find ourselves in. No, it seems that starfish sleepers must flail about as if an unseen ocean current is propelling them into constant motion. They appear to possess an uncanny ability to detect anything in their vicinity—especially if that something is me. Dads, oddly enough, seem to be immune to this phenomenon. Care to explain?
Sometimes, it’s just the starfish that appears. Other times, I wake to find a shadowy figure looming over me, causing instant panic. Either way, I end up feeling guilty and allow you to join me in bed, especially when my startled yelp makes you cry out in fear. Regardless of your form, it’s utterly exhausting.
My dear child, I love you dearly. You mean the world to me. However, if I have to peel your sticky, sweaty feet off my face more than once a night, you may awaken to find a rather unpleasant version of your mother at dawn—not the sweet one you’re accustomed to. Nobody wants that scenario.
I acknowledge that I share some blame in this situation. Experts and countless parenting guides suggest that I’ve inadvertently enabled this nightly routine through my less-than-stellar resolve. So, yes, I admit my fault.
But know this: my love for you is so profound that the idea of denying you comfort in the face of real fears is unfathomable, even if it compromises my own comfort. As much as I yearn for the return of restful nights, I recognize that these tender moments are fleeting.
Yes, I want the starfish out of my bed. Perhaps we could consider a sleeping bag on the floor as a compromise? Just a thought. But you, my little one, never have to fear being alone. You won’t have to worry about the dark. You can always count on your parents for comfort…until adulthood arrives, and the washing machine starts acting up again. Then, you’ll be on your own.
With love,
Exhausted Mommy
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Summary
This article humorously addresses the challenges of co-sleeping with a young child, emphasizing the profound love parents have for their children despite the exhaustion that comes with it. It highlights the need for establishing boundaries while reassuring children of their safety and comfort.
Keyphrase: Co-sleeping challenges
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