In my experience as a parent, my eldest son, Oliver, has always displayed an inquisitive nature. As a baby, he preferred listening to stories over crawling or climbing. Now, at age 3, he can distinguish between different dinosaur eras and has strong opinions about marine life, particularly sharks. However, he also has a penchant for running around without pants—because, well, he’s 3.
As a parent, I naturally think my child is remarkable, and I suspect every parent feels the same about their little ones. While others have commented on Oliver’s intelligence, I often find myself feeling uneasy about these labels. The truth is, whether he is “gifted” or not doesn’t truly matter.
That’s right; it’s time to let go of the anxiety surrounding whether our children are deemed “smart.” The reality is that many of us have memories of being sorted into “gifted and talented” programs during our school years. These students were thought to be so advanced that they would struggle with the standard curriculum. But as adults, we realize this distinction often holds little value. If you were to look up your former classmates on social media, you might find that their paths have varied widely; some may have achieved great success, while others have taken a different route altogether. The labels we placed on ourselves as children do not necessarily predict our future outcomes.
Moreover, research has shown that the concept of “gifted” students thriving alongside their equally advanced peers is flawed. Studies indicate that those in gifted programs perform similarly to their peers who do not qualify for such designations. Despite the resources and attention lavished on these programs, substantial differences in outcomes are lacking.
So, if I do consider Oliver to be “gifted,” what does that really mean for his future? Will he still need to study for exams in high school? Does he still need to tackle classic literature? If he doesn’t gain admission to a prestigious university, should I express my grievances to the admissions office, citing his early knowledge of various dinosaurs?
Then there’s my younger daughter, Lily, who just turned 1. While she isn’t reciting the alphabet yet, her activities include exploring the joys of dog food and attempting to climb into the toilet. Perhaps she is gifted, or perhaps not. At this age, it’s simply too early to tell.
It seems unjust to favor one child over the other based on arbitrary notions of intelligence. My husband and I are committed to providing both of our children with equal opportunities and encouragement. If one expresses a desire to attend an Ivy League school, we’ll support that ambition wholeheartedly. Conversely, if the other chooses a less conventional path, we’ll still back them fully, whether it involves sign-spinning or pursuing their passions in other ways.
The National Association for Gifted Children advocates for tailored learning experiences based on each child’s unique abilities and learning styles. However, shouldn’t this be a standard practice for all children? Whether a child faces developmental challenges or simply becomes disengaged, it’s crucial for both educators and parents to ensure that every child thrives in their learning environment. Opportunities for success exist for all children, regardless of their starting point.
I firmly believe that effort outweighs innate intelligence, and that’s what we’ll emphasize as parents. Instead of merely praising achievements with comments like “You’re so smart,” I plan to highlight their hard work—“You put a lot of effort into that!”—because intelligence is often a matter of circumstance. Why should it receive more recognition than the effort they put forth?
I frequently hear parents sharing their children’s accomplishments while others worry about their kids lagging behind. To all these parents, I want to say: it truly doesn’t matter. Your concern stems from your love for your children, and that alone makes you a fantastic parent. Your dedication ensures that your children will have every chance to succeed.
Every child possesses their own unique talents and abilities, making them special in their own right. Rather than focusing on who qualifies as “gifted,” let’s celebrate the individual gifts our children bring to the world.
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In summary, the labels we apply to our children, such as “gifted,” may not significantly influence their future success. Instead, fostering a growth mindset and recognizing each child’s unique abilities and efforts will better serve them in life.
Keyphrase: Importance of recognizing children’s unique talents
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