The moment I discovered I was expecting my third child, I was juggling my two toddlers, Max and Lily, down the stairs. This had become a cherished morning ritual where I would carry them both while singing a whimsical tune I made up called “Two Babies.” However, it quickly dawned on me that significant changes were necessary. Soon, my body would be heavy and sore, and it wouldn’t be feasible to carry two little ones simultaneously for much longer. I decided to end this tradition before it became more challenging, so I gently placed them down and took their hands instead. The reaction was immediate—both erupted into tears, and I can only assume there was some dramatic flailing involved. They were oblivious to my growing belly or my increasing fatigue, and I found myself standing in the kitchen, letting their cries echo around me.
In the past, I would have attempted to pacify them with snacks or engage them in breakfast preparations. But another realization struck me: this was precisely when I would be tending to their new sibling. The prospect of nursing one baby while managing two tantrums was daunting, and there would be moments when I would have to allow them to express their frustrations.
When I had my daughter, I was overly concerned about my oldest son feeling neglected, which led me to try to maintain our previous pace. I was attempting the impossible: raising three children while preserving my sanity. To manage this better, I recognized I needed to make some adjustments in my life, which led me to stop doing the following:
1. I Stopped Allowing Visitors at the Hospital.
Only a select few people received a call when I went into labor—those my partner, Jake, managed to contact before I whisked the phone away, reminding him that I was in labor and didn’t need distractions. I wanted to welcome my new child in peace, without a crowd waiting outside my room. My priority was to enjoy precious moments with my husband and newborn, focusing on rest during our limited hospital stay.
2. I Stopped Overexerting Myself.
Managing two toddlers while my partner left for work was already a challenge, but adding a third child was a whole new level of chaos. All three would often cry, need attention, and require feeding simultaneously. I learned to embrace the discomfort and accepted that I couldn’t be there for every single need at every moment. This adjustment fostered resilience in all of us.
3. I Stopped Worrying About Every Little Thing.
If my older children watched several hours of cartoons while I nursed and cared for the new baby, I didn’t stress. I let go of the need to entertain them constantly. Organic snacks were replaced with more convenient, packaged options. I even abandoned the idea of making baby food from scratch. I laughed off unsolicited parenting advice without concern for perceptions.
4. I Stopped Hosting Visitors.
Unless someone specifically said they were bringing dinner, uninvited guests were not welcome in my home. The idea of people dropping by to meet the new baby while I was trying to manage my two toddlers was no longer feasible. I was not a hostess; I was a tired mother who needed support, not distractions.
5. I Stopped Saying Yes to Everything.
My family members, especially Jake and the kids, were most affected. I learned to say “no” more frequently, whether it was to playing games or preparing meals. This extended to friends and family as well; those who understood my situation remained in my life, while those who didn’t gradually faded away.
Managing three children was a more challenging experience than I anticipated. It turned my world upside down and occasionally left me feeling overwhelmed. However, I realized I knew how to love my kids deeply, even if that meant saying no or allowing the house to be messy. I was learning to empower myself by letting go of certain expectations, which ultimately allowed me to parent in a way that felt right for my family.
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Summary:
Adjusting to life with a third child often necessitates letting go of certain habits and expectations. Creating boundaries with visitors, prioritizing rest, and embracing a more relaxed approach to parenting helped in managing the challenges of raising three children. By doing so, I learned to empower myself and focus on what truly mattered: nurturing my family in the best way I could.
Keyphrase: transitioning to parenting three children
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