He nudged his food around the plate, casting glances at his father and me. I sensed he had been grappling with something all afternoon, but as a mother of teens, I knew better than to pry too much. Our son, usually expressive about his feelings, was unusually quiet and contemplative. Our eyes met, and he finally said, “Mom, I need to share something, but please don’t get upset.” I steeled myself as his troubled story unfolded.
A boy had punched him at school.
“I didn’t see it coming. Suddenly, his fist connected, and I fell back. I have some bruises.”
I fought back tears as he explained why he hadn’t retaliated; he was afraid of the consequences of fighting in school. As he detailed how he waited two class periods before turning to a trusted teacher for help, I sat at the kitchen table in shock, my dinner forgotten. Fighting was not a part of our elementary school experience. We don’t engage in physical altercations at home, and we had raised him to resolve conflicts with words, not fists. Listening to his recounting, I wondered if we had failed him by not teaching him how to defend himself physically. I felt utterly unprepared for this reality and deeply pained that someone had chosen to harm my firstborn.
We all have memories of school fights—those chaotic moments in hallways or cafeterias. The rumors, the “you should have seen it,” and the aftermath linger in the collective memory of students. I recall a fight between two girls during our senior trip, which became part of our class folklore. However, I had never considered it from a parent’s perspective until my son came home with his own story. The thought of the parents of those girls receiving distressing phone calls, realizing their children were in harm’s way, and their helplessness to resolve the situation resonated with me now.
“Fights happen,” they say.
“Boys will be boys,” they say.
But when it’s your son involved, everything shifts.
Fortunately, my son was open about his feelings. We discussed his fear and the shock of being assaulted. While we affirmed that he was a victim, we also used this moment to stress the importance of recognizing his feelings to prevent any potential future violence. As tears welled in my eyes, my son comforted me, assuring me he was okay.
He told me he forgave the boy who hit him.
“Anger consumes you, Mom. I don’t have time for hate,” he said with a wry smile. In that moment, I recognized that my son possesses remarkable strength.
In the following days, we had conversations with his teachers and discussed how he would manage any future incidents. I felt a strong urge to teach him how to throw a punch and considered enrolling him in a self-defense class to ensure he never felt vulnerable again. I also fought the impulse to confront the other boy and demand an apology from him and his parents. I was upset and anxious about my son’s safety.
Yet, my son’s words echoed in my mind: “Anger will eat you up, Mom.”
He was right.
Instead of seeking revenge, my son chose to address the situation through his teachers. He requested a meeting with the boy and sought help in discussing the incident. To the boy’s credit, he agreed, and this became a pivotal moment for everyone involved. My son extended forgiveness to a child who made a poor choice and taught me a valuable lesson in compassion. He shook hands with the boy and reportedly said, “I prefer this kind of contact.”
Yes, boys can be boys. But true strength lies in being a man, and thankfully, my son is on that path. Although he seemed to emerge from this experience relatively unscathed, I can’t deny that my protective instincts are always ready to spring into action for my children.
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In summary, my son’s encounter with violence at school was a wake-up call. Through open communication and the power of forgiveness, he navigated a difficult situation with grace. It reminded me of the importance of instilling resilience and empathy in our children while also acknowledging our protective instincts as parents.
Keyphrase: school violence and parenting
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