If you wish to see more of the pleasant version of your mother, we need to have a discussion.
Recently, I have found myself sounding more like a drill sergeant each morning. I issue commands like, “Brush your teeth.” “Pack your lunch.” “For goodness sake, have you put on your clothes yet?” “Don’t forget deodorant; we don’t want unpleasant odors.” My voice has become loud enough to rise above the chaos of music, sibling squabbles, and the morning news. I can only imagine how appealing this makes me to your father during his attempts to have an adult conversation.
I’ve become “that” mom—the one we see portrayed in countless sitcoms. I am the enforcer, the parent who says, “You cannot leave the house until your room is clean.” “No, it’s not acceptable to scatter all your Legos across the living room. Clean them up. Now.” I’ve heard from my beloved children that I’m a mean mom and that your dad is far more agreeable.
You know what? I’m okay with that. In fact, I take it as part of my role, one I embraced nearly 18 years ago when my first child entered the world and I chose to be a stay-at-home parent. Your father has a lengthy commute and returns home late, leaving me as the one present with you daily. Yes, I must enforce rules most of the time, but I also get to experience the joy of watching you grow.
However, as you three—now 17, 14, and 11—have been voicing your grievances about my “Mean Mom” persona, I’ve been reflecting. I miss my more cheerful self, and since my words seem to lose their impact lately, I thought it best to communicate my thoughts directly.
Dear kids, feel free to express your frustrations toward me. I understand the world can be challenging, and we all need someone safe to vent at—I’m alright with being that person. However, I insist on being treated with respect. If you have negative feelings, kindly articulate them politely. For instance: “Dear Mother, the rule prohibiting me from eliminating my brother due to his accidental destruction of my cherished CD collection feels unjust. I’m experiencing strong feelings towards you, him, and all of humanity and would like to retreat to my room until I have processed this.”
If you express yourselves respectfully, I will reciprocate. You’ll also find yourself grounded less frequently. Furthermore, if I ask you to complete a task, please do it promptly. I understand you’re teenagers and pre-teens, which inherently makes things more challenging, but if you desire a kinder mom, then act like a considerate child.
I’m perfectly fine with you preparing your own snacks; in fact, I encourage it. However, if I walk into the kitchen and find what resembles a disaster zone, don’t be surprised if my voice elevates. And refrain from saying, “I was just going to clean that up; you came in too soon.”
Speaking of meals, we need to eat like civilized beings (you know who I mean). If you refuse to do so, I will inevitably become annoyed and may ask you to leave the table. I might make a light-hearted comment about how your great-grandmother is fainting in heaven watching you eat your pasta, but soon it will be back to “Mean Mom” mode.
Lastly, it should not come as a shock that you need to get dressed, wear shoes, brush your teeth, and maintain hygiene each morning for school. If the yelling bothers you, then please prepare accordingly. I manage to do it daily, often with little sleep, thank you very much.
If you adhere to these straightforward guidelines, I assure you that the nicer, less stressed mom you love will return—though perhaps only after she has had her morning coffee.
With love,
Mom
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In summary, if you want to see more of the nice mom, please show kindness and respect. Simple changes in your behavior can lead to a more harmonious household.
Keyphrase: “mean mom to nice mom”
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