“Hey, Dad, there’s a gathering I want to attend this Saturday…”
The first time I heard my teenage son say this, we were out grabbing coffee at the end of his eighth-grade year. Everything seemed perfect until the mention of “gathering” abruptly shifted my thoughts. My parental instincts kicked in: Whose gathering? Where is it happening? Will the adults be present? Is there going to be alcohol?
I tried to remain composed while I clutched the steering wheel, attempting to process the situation. I even turned up the volume on the radio during an unbearable pop song.
“Dad? The gathering?”
I parked the car, turned off the engine, and faced my son, who was now visibly anxious. Although my partner and I had made it clear that alcohol is for adults, we hadn’t explicitly discussed the facts, expectations, and potential repercussions surrounding teen drinking. It was evident that this was the moment to address it.
“Okay, tell me more about this gathering,” I said.
The host was an acquaintance from school who had sent out invites through social media. My son didn’t know if the host’s parents would be home, nor did he have the address. I restrained myself from shutting down the whole idea as he insisted that all of his friends would be there and that it would be embarrassing for him to miss it.
After he made his argument, I asked the pivotal question we hadn’t explored yet: “Is there going to be alcohol?”
He looked down and replied, “Honestly, Dad, I’m not sure, but likely.”
And there it was. At just 13, my son was at an age where he could encounter alcohol, but he lacked the maturity to handle it or comprehend the ramifications of excessive drinking or being in the company of those who do. While I wish we lived in a world where he wouldn’t touch alcohol until he was older and fully prepared, the reality is that many teens experiment with it. I certainly did at his age.
Now, as a parent, it’s my responsibility to inform my son about alcohol’s effects and share my perspective. While lecturing him won’t prevent him from drinking, I want him to have the knowledge to make informed, safe choices.
I began by stating the obvious: Underage drinking is against the law, and these laws exist for important reasons. I made it clear that we would never be those parents who provide alcohol for him or his friends, nor would we permit them to drink in our home, even if it meant we’d know about it. That’s when I received the first eye roll, indicating how uncool I was. Fine.
Next, I explained that excessive drinking can damage brain cells, and it’s unwise to jeopardize your brain while it’s still developing. Additionally, drinking too much can result in vomiting and terrible hangovers. Finally, I reminded him that alcohol impairs judgment, making it difficult to make sound decisions—like getting into a car with an intoxicated driver or leaving a friend behind at a party.
Perhaps the most alarming point I discussed was the connection between alcohol and assault. Being intoxicated does not give anyone the right to harm or violate you, but it can create situations where it’s harder to defend oneself or seek help if needed.
After I finished my explanation, silence filled the car. I could see the concern on my son’s face, masked by a facade of indifference.
“What if I do drink, Dad? What if I find myself in trouble?”
At that moment, my heart softened. Adolescence is challenging. Learning to trust oneself involves both successes and failures. Even as an adult, I am still figuring things out. What makes the journey easier is having a supportive person to lean on, even if it means facing consequences together.
“If you ever find yourself in trouble, you call me. No questions asked,” I said, squeezing his hand. “And if you need an excuse to leave, just say your ‘crazy dad’ is texting you; that works too.”
Of everything I had conveyed regarding drinking, this was the most crucial. I want my son to know he can trust me while he learns to trust his own instincts. Keeping communication lines open is a victory in itself.
“Thanks, Dad,” he replied, smiling. “I guess I need to think about whether I even want to go to this gathering.”
“Exactly,” I said, pleased he was reconsidering. “Let’s discuss it further over some coffee.”
In conclusion, having open discussions about alcohol with teens is vital for their understanding of risks and making informed choices. Parents must provide guidance while fostering an environment of trust.
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