Updated: Feb. 25, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 22, 2016
Today marks five years since my mother passed away. Each anniversary of her loss has left me grappling with the bewilderment of how swiftly time seems to move forward. I’ve documented my reflections over the years, consistently centering my thoughts on my children. After all, few experiences can catalyze maternal insights like the pain of grief and loss.
It stops us in our tracks: young boys transforming into young men almost overnight, teenage daughters evolving into captivating young women (with — oh my, — boyfriends!), and the ever-increasing obligations marked on our calendars making life busier with every year. If only we had a dollar for every friend lamenting, “Where did the time go?” in response to a nostalgic post or photo — it happens regularly.
This year, however, I sense a shift in my perspective. While I’m still taken aback by the rapid passage of time (and yes, it’s surreal to think I can now share a beer with half of my children), I find myself less immobilized by it and more attuned to its ongoing presence. I appreciate this new mindset, looking forward to what lies ahead, even on days that feel challenging.
Milestones like graduations, college acceptances, engagements, and even the moment when my son finally decided to cut his long hair — these are all signs of the wonderful journeys unfolding in our lives. The potential for happiness is vast, and it feels almost unjust not to embrace it. I can’t help but think that if my mom were aware of any sadness surrounding her grandkids, she would certainly not be pleased.
Though I miss her dearly, I find it hard to dwell in sorrow for long. That was never her style.
This year also marks my 50th birthday. Fifty. It’s astounding how quickly life progresses, and this age brings with it a lot of reflection. I fondly remember planning my mother’s surprise 50th birthday party, where we gathered her friends in my small apartment and threw a keg party, despite the fact she didn’t drink beer. She was thrilled, albeit a bit annoyed that her grandchild wasn’t present at her celebration. Yet, she was enveloped in love, which remained constant throughout her life.
As I think of her on this anniversary, I also think of her friends who continue to navigate life without her. I deeply empathize with the void they experience.
She imparted valuable lessons on friendship. Like her, I’ve cultivated relationships with people who genuinely care for me — friends I would do anything for, whether they’re a phone call away or require a quick flight to visit. This strong network is a testament to her influence.
I grew up admiring the writings of humorist Erma Bombeck. During the winter break of my senior year in college, I discovered one of her columns titled “No Greater Friend Than a Best Friend.” I saved it and eventually sent it to my lifelong friend, Claire, on her birthday. Despite the geographical distance between us over the years, she kept it for nearly a decade before returning it to me on my 30th birthday. I later framed it and sent it back to her for her 40th. It has circled back to me once again, and it will continue to hang on my wall, a reminder of our enduring friendship.
I feel incredibly fortunate to have a lasting bond that has persisted for over 40 years. It’s a privilege to have a mother whose memory continues to inspire so many. It does make me chuckle that my own children didn’t plan my 50th birthday festivities (just kidding; I took charge of every detail).
I think about her every day, but today, I choose to honor her memory. She is in the hearts of many today.
Cheers and love to you, Mom.
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