I possess a variety of names — my first, middle, and last names, along with an assortment of nicknames. I respond to many of these terms, including “Ma’am,” “Miss,” and even “Hey You.” However, unless you are my child, I kindly request that you refrain from calling me “Mom.”
Before my partner and I became parents, I was adamant that I didn’t want to be referred to as “Mom” by anyone other than my children. The generic label made me cringe, especially when medical staff addressed me as “Mom” instead of taking the time to check my chart for my actual name. I find it uncomfortable when strangers ask, “Is Mommy having a party tonight?” as they glance at the wine in my shopping cart. I also prefer that my partner not call me “Mom” in front of our kids. Although I’ve grown accustomed to being addressed as “Mom” by everyone from our pediatrician to the eye doctor, that doesn’t mean I appreciate it.
Motherhood is a unique and cherished role. Some may argue that it is so significant that they wish for constant reminders of it. Yet, I believe that because motherhood is truly special, only my children should call me “Mom.” It is a personal title, akin to a private nickname, that belongs solely to them. I have enjoyed the transition from “Mama” to “Mommy” and finally to “Mom.”
There seems to be a peculiar tendency in our culture to both elevate and diminish motherhood simultaneously. While we honor mothers, we often reduce them to “mom” qualifiers in various contexts: writers become “mommy bloggers,” social outings transform into “moms’ night out,” and friends are categorized as “mom friends.” What is the reason behind this? Does labeling something with “mom” change its significance? If so, how?
For some, the designation “Mom” serves as a constant reminder of their primary identity. However, I find that the essence of my being outside of motherhood is often overshadowed by this role. The woman I was before motherhood still exists and thrives beneath the weight of maternal responsibilities.
Mothers embody a myriad of qualities: caregivers, nurturers, educators, and leaders. These traits are intrinsic to our nature, independent of our maternal titles. Just as our passion for college football or our preference for a particular wine is part of who we are, our roles as mothers coexist alongside our other identities. Yes, we are “Mom” to our little ones, and for many of us, this is one of the most rewarding roles we’ll ever undertake. However, we also have identities as friends, partners, daughters, and individuals which are equally vital and deserve recognition.
In conclusion, unless you are my child, please refrain from calling me “Mom.”
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Keyphrase: “addressing motherhood identity”
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