We were seated in a packed waiting room at the doctor’s office, passing time by the fish tank. A girl, roughly the same age as my eldest (around six), approached us, accompanied by her mother.
Within moments, the girl leaned in toward my toddler, attempting to initiate a hug, a common behavior among children. I promptly stepped in, gently guiding the girl away from my daughter and creating some distance. “Let’s remember to give her some space,” I politely reminded, offering a smile.
The girl seemed unfazed, as children often are. Her mother, though slightly taken aback, responded, “She just wants to share her love, you know?”
I understand the sentiment. Children are innately affectionate and often disregard social norms and boundaries. In theory, this is a lovely trait. However, in practice, the situation is more complex.
There are clear reasons to be cautious, such as the prevalence of germs in places like a doctor’s office. It’s a known fact that such environments are teeming with illnesses. I would prefer my children not come into contact with others, particularly in such an unhygienic setting.
The issue goes deeper than hygiene, though. It’s unfortunate that we must educate our children about consent before they can even articulate a full sentence. Yet, it is a necessary lesson, especially for me as a mother raising three daughters.
Even if my toddler cannot voice her discomfort, she deserves respect for her personal space. She is not required to accept hugs or physical affection from anyone, particularly strangers, simply because she appears small and adorable.
This lesson extends beyond my toddler. Her older sister, too, enjoys hugs and playful interactions. Despite their familial bond, I intervene consistently. Sisterhood does not grant permission to invade one another’s personal space without consent.
It’s important to note that we are a family that values physical affection; we share many hugs, kisses, and cuddles. The goal is not to discourage these displays of love but to foster an understanding of appropriate boundaries. If a child approaches my daughter for a hug and she visibly pulls away, that’s a signal to respect her wishes. Asking for a hug first is very different from forcing one upon her.
We are teaching our children that hugs and kisses should not be taken without permission. They should feel empowered to say no if they do not wish to engage, no matter the intention behind the gesture.
True affection is rooted in respect. It is our duty to impart this knowledge to our children, equipping them to both give and expect respect from others.
So, if I prevent your child from hugging my toddler or gently remove their hands from my baby, please understand my intentions. If my six-year-old agrees to hug your child and it becomes too tight, I will step in to remind both of them that affection must always be respectful.
I never want my children to feel obligated to endure discomfort for the sake of politeness, nor do I want them to place another child in that position. If my daughters, and all children, learn to honor their feelings and bodies by demanding the respect they deserve, as well as extending that same respect to others, we will have succeeded.
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Summary:
Teaching children about consent is essential, as it fosters respect for personal space and boundaries. While affection is important, it should always be given and received with consent, regardless of the relationship. This not only empowers children to voice their discomfort but also encourages them to respect others’ feelings. As parents, we must advocate for this understanding in our daily interactions.
Keyphrase: Understanding Consent in Children
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