As a teacher, Back-to-School night is a blend of nerves and excitement. The classroom fills with eager 4-year-olds and their families. A young boy approaches with his mother, and she introduces him by saying, “This is Oliver.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Oliver. And who is this with you?” I ask, turning to his mother.
He raises an eyebrow and simply replies, “Just my mom.”
That phrase, “Just my mom,” lingered in my mind long after I tucked my own daughter into bed.
As the school year unfolded, I grew fond of Oliver and his classmates, many of whom had stay-at-home mothers who actively engaged in school events. When Mother’s Day approached, I decided we needed to create something special for these devoted moms. I found a charming “About My Mom” questionnaire and sat down with the children to gather their responses.
“What’s your mom’s name?” “I don’t know.” “What does your dad call her?” “I don’t know.” “Where does your mom work?” “She doesn’t.” “What does she do while you’re at school?” “Cleans up my mess,” one child reported. “Buys me toys,” said another. “Waits for me,” added a third.
“Waits for you? What do you mean?” I asked.
“She drops me off and then waits for me to finish school.”
“Does she wait the whole time?” I pressed.
“Yes,” she confirmed.
Other children echoed similar sentiments; only a few could articulate that their mothers were individuals with their own thoughts and feelings.
At home, I embody the role of a mother. In the classroom, I fulfill that role for 17 children. Sometimes, it feels as though I am merely a pair of hands—“Can you open this?” “Please tie my shoe.” “Can I have more water?” I strive to assert my identity beyond being “the teacher.” During sharing time, I relish the opportunity to share personal stories, delighting in the surprise on the children’s faces when they realize I don’t reside at the school.
It’s widely recognized that children are naturally egocentric, a principle taught in developmental psychology. Yet, hearing the children’s responses evoked the familiar struggle many mothers face. Often, we feel unappreciated, and our efforts seem to go unnoticed. Children may perceive us as existing solely to fulfill their needs. This perception can lead mothers to feel invisible, as their overwhelming presence becomes normalized and taken for granted.
Mothers pour their hearts into their families, often sacrificing their own needs in the process. Love is indeed a sacrifice. Your children love you and need to see you for who you truly are. You deserve to be recognized and appreciated. Take the time to share your identity and interests with your children, even if it appears they might not care. You are significant, and although you may feel invisible, I acknowledge your efforts.
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Summary
Mothers often feel overlooked in their roles, becoming a backdrop to their children’s lives. This emotional struggle is common, as children may not fully appreciate their mothers as individuals. Acknowledging the importance of sharing one’s identity with children is essential for both mothers and their families. Resources on enhancing fertility and understanding IVF can provide further support and information for those on a family-building journey.
Keyphrase: Mother’s recognition in parenting
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