Chore charts—I’ve tried them all. Magnetic, canvas, chalkboard, you name it. I’ve hung reminders in the bathrooms to clean up after brushing their teeth, posted notes in the laundry area to check pockets and not leave their sweaty socks in a pile, and taped instructions to the kitchen cabinets about putting dirty dishes in the sink and emptying the dishwasher when it’s full. We’ve explored every option.
I even crafted several handmade versions, hoping a personal touch would inspire my children to shake off their reluctance to help out. Unfortunately, they showed no interest. Well-meaning friends, who have seemingly obedient kids, suggested I assign each child a specific area of the house to maintain. I tried that too, and it was a total flop. It turns out they simply don’t care if their designated space is a disaster; they’ll just find a cleaner area to occupy.
My kids have always struggled with chores—charts, assigned areas, weekly tasks—none of it has worked. I’ve resigned myself to the reality that any written list of household duties won’t motivate them to take action—because it just doesn’t.
They’re also impervious to bribes or reward systems, whether it’s money or revoking privileges. Nothing has succeeded in getting them to pitch in at home.
Instead, we’ve created a more spontaneous system. It’s quite simple: “Just help when I ask you, or when you notice something needs to be done.” That’s our approach.
Some parents may argue that I’m doing my children a disservice by not instilling consistent household responsibilities and demanding chore completion. They gasp when I explain that my kids don’t do their own laundry or clean the bathrooms. With four kids aged 8 to 18, our daily life can be described as organized chaos. Adding chore charts and other systems only increased stress for everyone, including me, as it felt like managing another job.
It seems they spend all day at school ticking off tasks on rigid to-do lists, then it’s homework and extracurricular activities. By the time we have family dinner, it’s almost bedtime. As for my high schoolers, they leave at 7 a.m., return well after 8 p.m. due to sports or part-time jobs (where they clean toilets!), and then tackle homework for hours. When are these busy teenagers supposed to handle a mountain of chores or laundry?
For now, we’ll stick to our relaxed approach, with me asking for help at different times and them complying when they can. I hope this will encourage them to take initiative and eventually take pride in completing tasks without needing to be asked or rewarded.
Soon enough, they’ll be off to college, and the state of their rooms, bathrooms, and laundry will be their concern.
You might wonder, “If you never made them do their laundry, how will they know what to do?” Funny you should ask. I recently dropped my eldest off at college, and en route, he said, “Uh, how do I do laundry?” I replied, “The instructions are on the back of the detergent box. Good luck.” Guess what? He figured it out.
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In summary, the journey of teaching children about responsibilities can be unconventional and challenging. A relaxed system may work for some families, allowing children to learn at their own pace.
Keyphrase: kids and chore charts
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