I found myself lying in bed one afternoon, battling the flu, when my 9-year-old son, Jake, nudged me gently and said, “I know you’re not feeling well. I won’t bother you if I can have some screen time.”
I turned to see him standing there, stout and wearing a bright blue T-shirt featuring his favorite video game character, along with cargo shorts. His hair was tousled, and his expression was serious; he was clearly determined.
My partner, Lisa, had taken our two youngest daughters out for errands, leaving me with Jake. I had allowed him to stay home from the store, but I hadn’t realized that he hadn’t completed his chores—tasks he needed to finish in order to earn screen time. Now, he was ready to negotiate with his ailing father for use of the tablet.
“Did you finish your list?” I inquired.
“I did most of it,” he replied, but I knew that “most” generally meant he had done very little.
Earlier this year, we had purchased tablets for all our kids, thinking they would utilize educational applications. In truth, we bought them for a moment of peace. When I became a parent nearly a decade ago, I relied on shows like Barney to gain a brief respite. Now, I could easily keep my children occupied for hours with a tablet.
Admittedly, when all three kids are engrossed in their screens, my home is eerily quiet, a rare bliss for me as a parent. However, these devices are as habit-forming as any substance, and while they provide me with much-needed breaks, it has led to a relentless struggle against their constant desire for more screen time.
In today’s parenting landscape, managing apps, YouTube, and the internet has become a central challenge. My children don’t sit through Saturday morning cartoons; instead, they watch others play video games or view endless unboxing videos. This endless stream of content seems to bear little educational value, presenting an overwhelming amount of mindless entertainment that I didn’t have as a child.
To tackle this, we devised a chore chart that outlines how they can earn screen time. My kids are less concerned about money; screen time is their primary motivation. Jake, for example, can earn time by completing household chores like taking out the trash or cleaning his room. Each day, they must accomplish a set of tasks, like brushing their teeth, preparing for the day, and engaging in something creative or physically active. Screen time has become the main incentive in our household.
I have to admit, my children will go to great lengths for screen time. Just last week, Jake was happily picking up dog waste in the yard because I promised him 45 minutes on the tablet. However, it has also transformed them into little manipulators, adept at finding loopholes in our screen time regulations.
Since getting tablets, my daughter has pretended to be sick multiple times after we allowed her to use the iPad while resting during an actual illness. Jake has lied about completing his chores to gain screen privileges. I’ve caught them hiding in the bathroom, claiming to be occupied while secretly playing games. They have even reset the timer on the tablet when I wasn’t looking to extend their screen time. Jake has even attempted to broker deals with me, suggesting that if I let him have more screen time, he wouldn’t reveal my “garden mishap” to Lisa (a mistake I won’t make again). At one point, my daughter offered to let me nap in exchange for screen time—a tempting offer indeed.
Sometimes, their requests for extra screen time resemble a negotiation with a street vendor, complete with arguments and back-and-forth discussions. While it showcases their creativity and negotiation skills, the outcome is that we’ve inadvertently nurtured screen-obsessed children.
In this instance, Jake quickly recognized that I was feeling weak and sick, believing I would be an easy target for his request. I propped myself up in bed and looked at him. His arms were crossed, and when I met his gaze, he briefly held it before looking down, realizing he was trying to take advantage of my condition.
“If you didn’t finish your chores, you can’t have screen time. You know the rules.”
His demeanor shifted, and he began to plead. “Please, Dad.”
I raised my hand. “Jake, I’m really unwell right now, and I don’t appreciate you trying to negotiate for screen time while I’m down. You don’t kick a person when they’re down.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but I interrupted him.
“We both know that’s what you’re attempting,” I said.
He looked down again.
“List your completed tasks,” I instructed.
As he detailed his chores, we began to strategize about what still needed to be done. I helped him realize that the remaining tasks were manageable, and I offered him some extra screen time if he would prepare some soup for me.
“Help me, and I’ll help you. That’s how the world works,” I stated.
Though he didn’t seem thrilled with the deal, he agreed. In the end, we shook hands as if sealing a business contract.
“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you,” I said, and Jake smiled before heading to the kitchen to make me some soup.
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In summary, while screen time can serve as a valuable tool for peace in the household, it’s essential to balance it with responsibilities and ensure that children develop healthy habits around technology. This approach not only establishes boundaries but also fosters skills like negotiation and responsibility in young ones.
Keyphrase: screen time as currency in parenting
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