As a child, my mother implemented numerous rules in our household. With three kids, it’s understandable that she needed to establish guidelines to maintain some semblance of order and prevent chaos. Now that I am a parent myself, I have developed my own set of rules aimed at fostering a peaceful environment in our home.
While our mothers had the best intentions, many of their rules now appear outdated and, frankly, a bit absurd. In today’s world, with the rise of social media, cyberbullying, and various societal issues, parents face challenges far beyond the question of whether to wear white after Labor Day. It’s essential to adapt our parenting strategies to meet the current landscape our children are navigating.
Here’s a list of parenting rules I am revising, which you may find reminiscent of the ones your mother enforced:
- Avoid Discussing Sexual Topics Openly
In my strict Catholic upbringing, discussing sex was practically forbidden. While my brother and I received a rather uncomfortable “birds and bees” talk, any further conversation about our romantic lives was strictly off-limits. Now, as a parent to a teenager and a preteen, I am committed to fostering open and honest discussions about intimacy. I aim to ensure they understand what is expected of them both physically and emotionally. Although I don’t need every detail of their dating lives, I want them to know they can approach me with any questions or concerns. No subject is off-limits, and my mother would likely be shocked at the dialogues I’ve had with my kids. - Girls Shouldn’t Initiate Contact with Boys
My mother believed that good girls never called boys. If I wished to go out, it was strictly up to the boy to reach out to me — no phone calls allowed. This approach often left me dependent on others for my social life. In contrast, I want my daughter to feel empowered and confident enough to reach out to anyone she wants to spend time with. Whether it’s a movie or just hanging out, she should feel in control of her decisions. I’ll try to suppress any instinct to cringe when I see girls calling my son. - Always Be Nice to Everyone
A primary rule in our household was to be nice to everyone, regardless of their behavior toward us. My mother often advised us to “kill them with kindness” even when faced with bullies. While I do want my children to practice kindness, I also encourage them to speak up when they or someone they care about is wronged. Standing up for what’s right is crucial, and we can’t expect change to happen without a voice. I do, however, insist on basic manners, like saying thank you. - Wait Until Your Father Gets Home for Discipline
In our home, my mother was the primary disciplinarian. Whenever we crossed a line, she’d warn us, “Just wait until your father gets home!” This created unnecessary fear and anxiety. As a parent, I believe in taking full responsibility for discipline. My husband and I maintain a united front, and he supports my decisions, ensuring the children understand the importance of accountability. I may be the stricter parent, but together we aim to create a balanced environment.
While my mother offered valuable lessons, she also allowed me the space to navigate my own path as a mother. No parent has all the answers, and I expect my daughter will have her unique approach when she becomes a parent someday. Unfortunately for her, I’m not so great at holding back the “I told you so” moments.
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In summary, as we navigate the complexities of modern parenting, it’s essential to challenge outdated rules and adapt to the current realities our children face. Open communication, empowerment, kindness, and accountability are key principles that can guide us as we raise the next generation.