My family certainly attracts attention. My children, who are of Asian descent, are adopted, while my husband and I are Caucasian. This difference often leads to people assuming our children are not biologically ours, which is accurate.
Being different often draws curiosity, stares, and sometimes unsolicited comments or questions that can feel intrusive or even offensive. I understand that most people do not intend to put me in an uncomfortable position when they inquire about my family dynamics, especially in a public setting like the grocery store. However, there are times when I struggle to respond with the grace and patience I aspire to. Below are some of the more perplexing questions I have encountered:
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“What happened to their REAL parents?”
While I understand the intent behind this query, the preferred term is “birth parents.” The implication of “real” can lead to confusion for my children, who may then ask, “Aren’t you my real mom?” Conversations about adoption are commonplace in our home, but they often become more complicated due to such questions. -
“Your child is so lucky/you’re a saint/bless you for rescuing that poor orphan.”
I am neither a saint nor a superhero. My child is not a charity case; my husband and I simply wanted to become parents, not embark on a mission to save anyone. -
“Can’t you have your own children?”
It’s quite surprising when a stranger delves into personal matters like one’s fertility. It’s an awkward question to navigate. -
“Why did you choose to adopt from X instead of Y?”
Questions about why one chooses to adopt from a specific country or program can feel accusatory. Each adoption journey is unique, and it’s best to approach this topic with sensitivity. -
“Isn’t adoption the easy way to have kids?”
While I may not have experienced pregnancy, my journey to parenthood involved its own challenges, including multiple miscarriages and the emotional toll of fertility treatments. Adoption is not inherently “easy,” and such assumptions can be frustrating. -
“I could NEVER…”
This phrase often precedes a judgment about how one would handle adoption or parenting. It’s easy to make definitive statements without having walked in someone else’s shoes. -
“How much did it cost?”
Inquiring about the financial aspects of adoption is akin to probing into someone’s private finances. If you find yourself wanting to ask this, consider whether it’s genuinely appropriate. -
“Do you think they’ll grow up to be communists?”
This question is particularly perplexing. While we adopted from China, my children are now U.S. citizens, and my focus is on their happiness and well-being—not their future political affiliations.
Curiosity isn’t inherently negative; however, the appropriateness of a question often depends on your relationship with the person you’re asking. Approach others with respect and empathy, and you’re less likely to encounter awkward situations. For more insights on family-building options, consider visiting Resolve, which provides excellent resources on this topic.
In summary, when discussing sensitive subjects like adoption, it’s essential to approach them with care and mindfulness. Understanding the nuances of each family’s journey can foster better conversations and connections.
Keyphrase: questions adoptive mother receives
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