As a mother of a newborn boy, I find myself grappling with numerous worries. My experience has been shaped by growing up with female relatives, so the task of raising a boy is unfamiliar territory. Initially, I didn’t consider the societal inequalities my son might face due to his gender, nor did I fully comprehend the implications of his race—privilege often shields one from such concerns, at least until the moment of realization dawns.
In the weeks following my son’s birth, I was confronted with troubling headlines, including the case of a young man, Oliver Hart, who received a mere six-month sentence for a heinous crime against a woman. The judge’s decision was based on the belief that prison would be too harsh for someone of his social standing. My heart aches for the victim, and I can’t shake the fear that my child might grow into a similar figure.
Shortly after, tragic incidents involving young black men unfolded. First, Marcus Lee was shot by police in a small town in Louisiana, followed almost immediately by the death of another man, David Rivers, in Minnesota. These events highlight a systemic issue where individuals with lighter skin tones often receive leniency and are protected by a framework that inherently favors them. This reality terrifies me as I ponder the future of my son.
Some might argue it’s self-centered to focus on my white son amid such broader societal issues. While my son will not face the fear of fatal encounters with law enforcement solely based on his skin color, I must acknowledge the possibility that he could become part of a troubling narrative—one that perpetuates violence or oppression. I worry not only for our black boys but also for our daughters, who face their own set of challenges.
It is crucial to educate our white boys about equality, privilege, and the importance of consent. They must learn to embrace empathy, compassion, and humility. These boys will grow into men who inherit societal privileges, making it imperative that we instill in them a sense of responsibility rather than entitlement.
As a white mother, I feel lost and overwhelmed by the current state of our society. While mothers of black sons teach their children how to navigate dangerous situations with law enforcement, I must find ways to ensure that my son grows up to be a supportive ally rather than a perpetrator of injustice.
Admittedly, I do not have all the answers. I am still learning how to raise a white boy in a world fraught with complexities regarding race and gender. However, I understand that the existing paradigms have failed us. The systemic injustices and violence against marginalized groups must be addressed, and it begins with how we guide our children.
To initiate this process, I am committing to listening, reading, and engaging in dialogues within my home. It is essential that we start with our white boys if we hope to create a more equitable society. The burden of change should not fall on the oppressed; instead, it is our responsibility as the privileged to enact meaningful transformation, and that journey starts at home.
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