Ten years ago, I encountered a companion named Denial. Initially, I was unaware of the profound effect she would have on my life. Denial became the confidante I leaned on during difficult times, the one who was always present, even when I didn’t truly need her. She settled into my home, occupying the kitchen table and even my thoughts, never once offering a glass of wine.
Denial helped me overlook past hardships—painful memories that I chose to ignore because she suggested it would be better that way. For many parents who have faced the whisper of “the autism diagnosis,” Denial is a familiar presence, lingering longer than welcome. She is the friend who talks excessively, overshares, and can lead you astray, much like that boyfriend your mother warned you about. Eventually, just as with that relationship, you must find your way out, though without the regret of a matching tattoo.
Denial often appears right after Fear departs. Just when you think you are alone, she reminds you that you are not. Though I no longer spend time with her, I understand that both Fear and Denial entered my life for a reason and a season. Instead of lamenting my past choices, I find it more productive to reflect on how much I have learned and grown. Humor often serves as my remedy, along with a good bottle of red wine from a true friend.
Here are twelve instances where Denial lingered too long after my son Alex’s autism diagnosis:
- When Alex’s sensory sensitivities flared, Denial convinced me that the chaos caused by my hairdryer was due to his desire for attention, rather than a sensory overload.
- Denial reassured me that Alex’s lack of eye contact was simply due to his fascination with the world around him, not a symptom of autism.
- When I expressed sadness over Alex’s lack of friends, Denial told me it was because he hadn’t yet encountered anyone worthy of his time.
- Alex’s spinning under the kitchen light? Denial led me to believe he was just being curious about the light fixture rather than self-soothing.
- The distress Alex displayed during haircuts was attributed to his preference for longer hair, rather than a sign of sensory discomfort.
- When he protested entering his music class, Denial insisted it was because he thought the music should be more sophisticated, not overwhelming for him.
- Alex’s aversion to hugs was dismissed by Denial as a preference for my special hugs, not a sensory issue.
- Denial told me that Alex’s meltdowns over new experiences were simply because he preferred the familiar, not a sign of autism.
- When he resisted new clothing, Denial suggested it was because he wanted me to treat myself to new things.
- Alex’s repetitive eating habits were framed by Denial as a way to ensure I always got his meals right, rather than a characteristic of autism.
- My concern about Alex’s repetitive speech patterns was minimized by Denial, who claimed it was simply a sign of his imagination.
- Finally, Denial reassured me that Alex was “fine,” the very words I wanted to hear, but this belief did not provide him with the essential support he required.
Ultimately, I realized I had to ask Denial to leave my life, making room for a more crucial companion: Acceptance. When Acceptance arrived, it opened my eyes to the truths Denial had kept me from seeing. This shift allowed me to seek the necessary resources and support for Alex, which is essential for his growth and well-being.
Denial played a significant role in my journey, much like friends who come and go, leaving their mark. I recognize now that without her presence, I might not be the person I am today, nor would Alex be where he is on his own journey.
For those who find themselves in a similar situation with Denial, remember that she serves a purpose but shouldn’t overstay her welcome. Your child’s future relies on your willingness to confront the reality of their needs, so when she visits, ensure she brings the wine and then kindly show her to the door. You are more capable than you think.
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Summary:
Navigating the complexities of accepting an autism diagnosis can be challenging for parents. The author reflects on her experience with denial, illustrating how it provided temporary comfort but ultimately hindered her ability to seek the necessary support for her son. By acknowledging the role of acceptance, parents can better advocate for their children’s needs and futures.
Keyphrase: autism diagnosis acceptance
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