Fascinating Womanhood, authored by Helen Andelin in 1963, is rooted in a series of booklets from the 1920s and ’30s. With over two million copies sold, it has become a focal point in discussions around gender roles. Depending on one’s perspective, it can be perceived as either a traditional manual for women’s roles at home or a catalyst for feminist sentiments—often sparking debates in academic settings and beyond.
Among the concepts in this book is a list of dos and don’ts that has gained notoriety. While some may find value in these guidelines, I believe they perpetuate notions of male dominance rather than fostering equality and teamwork in a marriage. In fact, I find many of these suggestions to be just as demeaning to men as they are to women. Thus, I will provide a modern husband’s perspective on the dos and don’ts presented in Fascinating Womanhood.
The Don’ts
Don’t try to change him.
Absolutely, you should! Change is integral to any relationship. Your partner will evolve over time, and it’s essential for both individuals to support each other’s growth. If you think your spouse should remain static, you might want to reconsider the foundation of your relationship.
Don’t show indifference, contempt, or ridicule toward his masculine abilities, achievements, or ideas.
So, if his ideas are “masculine,” is that grounds for unconditional support? Masculinity does not inherently make someone’s ideas better. Each partner should engage with shared interests and support each other’s aspirations without feigning interest based on gender norms.
Don’t try to excel him in anything which requires masculine ability.
Not a chance! If your wife has ambitions like drag racing or competitive sports, she should pursue them freely. There’s no such thing as a monopoly on capability based on gender.
Don’t let the outside world crowd you for time to do your homemaking tasks well.
Is homemaking the only priority? In today’s world, many families depend on dual incomes. If a woman decides to further her education or career, it’s beneficial for the entire household.
Don’t have a lot of preconceived ideas of what you want out of life.
Go ahead—dream big! Be open to evolving those dreams in partnership with your spouse to make them a reality.
Don’t stand in the way of his decisions or his law.
What if his decisions are not wise? Both partners should feel free to communicate when something appears to be a poor choice. Honest dialogue is key.
The Dos
Accept him at face value.
Trust is crucial, but communication is even more vital. If there are doubts about intentions, ask questions openly and honestly.
Admire his manliness.
Compliments are nice, but admiration should stem from love and respect for one another, not from outdated gender expectations.
Recognize his superior strength and ability.
Let’s not do that. Strength comes in many forms, and both partners should appreciate each other’s unique capabilities without assigning superiority based on gender.
Be a Domestic Goddess.
Good luck with that! Instead, focus on mutual goals and aspirations, supporting each other both inside and outside the home.
Revere your husband and honor his right to rule you and your children.
This notion is outdated. Instead, let’s celebrate each other and work collaboratively to foster a loving and supportive household.
As a father in today’s world, I see that the ideas presented in 1963 are not applicable to modern relationships. We live in an age that values equality and shared responsibility. The beauty of partnership lies in two individuals loving and supporting each other, not in dominance.
In conclusion, the antiquated notions from Fascinating Womanhood need to be reexamined. Today’s relationships thrive on mutual respect, shared goals, and partnership.
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