As a family not in a position to indulge in extravagant vacations, we opted for a “staycation” this past spring break, aiming to make it truly special. I proposed various local activities: a day at the amusement park, a trip to the city, and each child could choose a park for us to visit. I even suggested picnics, sidewalk chalk drawings, mural-making, and science experiments.
“What do you want to do?” I asked, trying to muster enthusiasm as I genuinely wanted our staycation to be enjoyable. My son, Alex, who is 9, surprised me with his request: “I want one afternoon to play Monopoly with you because you always say you’ll play but never do. And I’d like to spend another day finishing the play script that Daddy and I started a year ago.”
His words struck a chord. As a parent of multiple children, there’s always a nagging sense that we aren’t providing enough individual attention to each child, but hearing Alex articulate his desire so clearly was unexpected. It reminded me of the time when he was 5 and I was pregnant with his younger sibling. I wanted them to have a bond, but I was anxious about how the arrival of a new child would alter our dynamic. The hours spent playing games, reading, and doing crafts together felt threatened.
Regrettably, my fears were partially justified. While Alex and I continue to share special moments, they are often interrupted by the presence of his younger brother, who tends to disrupt our activities with his exuberance. I sometimes feel that my second child, Jamie, is missing out compared to Alex. Although I spend time with him while Alex is in school, the experience is markedly different. Our mornings start early, errands abound, and I often find myself exhausted and less engaging.
Many parents of multiple children share this burden of guilt, feeling they can never provide sufficient quality time for each child. I don’t regret having more than one child—despite their squabbles, I know they are forming a lifelong bond. They are learning about sharing, flexibility, and the reality that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
Nevertheless, the desire to offer each child more of my undivided attention lingers. I yearn for the ability to engage deeply with them on projects and conversations without the constant distraction of their sibling’s needs.
That afternoon, Alex and I finally played Monopoly. My husband entertained Jamie in the living room, while Alex and I retreated to his room. He guided me through strategies for the game, impressing me with his quick calculations. It was a simple yet meaningful afternoon filled with laughter and playful moments. However, as we wrapped up, Jamie began to cry, signaling the end of our game.
As I packed away the game, I closed my eyes to savor the moment. I felt transported back to the days when it was just the two of us. A pang of guilt surfaced, and I apologized for not finishing the game. “It’s OK,” Alex replied, “I pretty much won anyway.” He smiled and said he enjoyed it, a sentiment that echoed in his cheerful demeanor for the rest of the day.
Perhaps spending time with my children must be imperfect and fragmented for now. I trust that these moments of connection will be what they remember about their childhood, rather than the times when I fell short. I plan to consciously dedicate more afternoons like this to both of my children, recognizing that it’s not about grand gestures but simply being together. I also need to forgive myself for feeling like I’m not doing enough; even the smallest moments have significant meaning for my children.
Ultimately, I will always carry that persistent feeling that it’s never enough, which is an intrinsic part of being a parent.
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In summary, it’s vital for parents to strive for quality time with each child, despite the challenges of busy family life. Embracing small, imperfect moments can foster genuine connections that children will cherish for years to come.
Keyphrase: time for each child
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