After dropping off my four children at summer camp, an unsettling thought crossed my mind: What if a gunman entered and harmed them? This horrifying scenario played out vividly in my imagination, and I found myself overwhelmed with emotions. I envisioned my youngest, just four years old, crying out for me in her final moments. Regret filled my thoughts, especially for my eldest, who had expressed reluctance to attend that day. I wondered: Did she have an intuition I missed? Why didn’t I heed her feelings?
Sitting in the parking lot, I wept beneath the cheerful colors of the camp’s flags. I felt an intense jealousy toward my children, who remained blissfully unaware of the tragedies that had unfolded in the world, such as the recent events in Orlando. Their innocent worldview, where good triumphs over evil and children are safe, starkly contrasted with the harsh reality I faced as their mother. I grappled with the understanding that terrible things occur, often without warning, and that our sense of control is merely an illusion.
Despite this, I refuse to let fear dictate my life. Each day, I find myself assessing potential risks: Is this a place where violence could erupt? Should we sit in the back of the restaurant for a quick escape? Maybe we should just order in tonight. I’ve only managed to watch one movie since the Colorado theater shooting, and I spent the entire time on high alert, unable to engage with the film or even enjoy the food I love.
This pervasive terror is exactly what those who commit such acts aim to instill in us. Although I wasn’t present in that Orlando nightclub, the relentless cycle of news coverage means I am constantly reminded of the horrors. I frequently find myself searching for details about the victims and the motives behind these violent acts, hoping to find some semblance of understanding, even though I know this pursuit is ultimately fruitless.
Mr. Rogers famously advised us to “look for the helpers” in times of distress. However, the notion of shifting my focus from the perpetrators to the helpers feels daunting. Right now, I am still processing my fear and sadness. I cannot simply look away from the darkness; I must confront it.
The question remains: Will I allow despair to consume me, or will I seek out the helpers? Will I continue living in fear, or will I embrace life’s joys, like taking my children to the movies or setting up a tent in the backyard? I refuse to forfeit the beauty of the stars simply because I am preoccupied with the shadows surrounding them.
The next day, I may choose to go to a movie despite my anxieties. I’ll encourage my 11-year-old, who is shy, to purchase our tickets, celebrating her bravery. We will find the perfect seats, right in the middle, and settle down for a fabulous experience, focusing on the joy of the moment as I pass the popcorn. After all, everyone knows those are the best seats in the house.
In conclusion, while the world can be frightening, it is essential to confront those fears and continue living fully. Embracing life means facing potential risks with courage, allowing ourselves and our children to experience joy even amid uncertainty.
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Summary: This article reflects on the fears and challenges of parenting in a world where violence exists. It emphasizes the importance of living boldly despite uncertainties and making choices that prioritize joy and connection over fear.
Keyphrase: living boldly amidst fear
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