I find myself seated on my bed, laptop balanced on my lap, ready to dive into my Facebook feed. It’s 9 a.m. on Saturday, and I plan to scroll through my entire News Feed before I need to take my daughter to her piano lessons at 10 a.m.
This may not seem like a lofty goal, but as a 37-year-old full-time working mom, Facebook represents my social outlet. You might chuckle, but I noticed you liked my last post, so I know you’re guilty of the same scrolling habit.
My husband has taken off for his daily “chat with the governor,” and my kids are upstairs, playing quietly in their rooms. I’ve dressed, fed, and tended to everyone’s needs, finally settling in for a much-deserved moment of personal time.
But, 20 minutes later, as my husband emerges from his bathroom break, chaos ensues.
My 3-year-old barges into the room, demanding, “Mommy, can you give me a twisty braid? Not a straight one, but an Elsa side-braid with this purple hair tie?”
Me: “Grrrr…yes…” (I braid furiously, tie it off, and then plead) “Now go away.”
Husband: “That was unacceptable! How could you tell her to go away? This is family time; you should be bonding with her instead of scrolling through Facebook.”
While he’s been busy, I’ve been interrupted countless times—458, to be exact. I’ve overseen four costume changes, three different hairstyles, mediated seven arguments, turned down two snack requests, reminded one child where to find her cup, and managed to read a measly single scroll of Facebook posts—just one scroll in a chaotic 20 minutes of what was supposed to be my time.
If you are the primary caregiver, you recognize this as just another ordinary day in parenting. We routinely juggle these challenges, often unnoticed by our families. Somehow, amid working mom guilt, marital complacency, and the fear of judgment from others, we end up prioritizing our needs last—and ultimately forget about them.
What if we acknowledged this? What if we collectively declared, “Enough is enough! I deserve 20 minutes to myself to do whatever I want—even if it’s just watching adorable cat videos on YouTube!” What if we stopped racing around fulfilling every obligation, trying to achieve an impossible standard of being a better version of ourselves?
In our quest to advance women’s rights and be everything to everyone, many of us have lost sight of our true selves. I know I have. My mother had no qualms about allowing me to play outside while she indulged in a romance novel; I, however, struggle to justify three minutes to check a Twitter notification.
Even worse, I’ve allowed my husband and children to forget that I have interests beyond their needs.
As my husband stands over me with a look of judgment, I reluctantly shut my laptop. Instead of confronting him, I gather my thoughts and head upstairs to talk to my children. “When was the last time you did something nice for me? When did you let me sleep in, or have a moment to myself?” I ask, showing no sympathy for their tear-streaked cheeks.
I start collecting reminders of my maternal role—the last maternity pants, an old breast pump, and that dusty baby monitor that once dictated my every move. I contemplate taking them outside to make a symbolic bonfire of my exhaustion and sacrifice.
Or maybe not. I look back at my husband and nod in resignation, mumbling about how I’ve been engaging with the kids. Finally, I close my computer and redirect my focus back to them.
My mother’s generation fought for freedom; my generation often burns itself out. Perhaps they had the right approach all along.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the struggles of modern motherhood, emphasizing the need for self-care and recognition of a mother’s individual needs. It encourages moms to prioritize their own time and interests, while also linking to resources on fertility and home insemination.
Keyphrase: Mom self-care
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