The latest snide remark I received regarding my parenting choices was: “I’m sure that chocolate milk pairs perfectly with the donuts you packed for her lunch.” Quite frustrating, isn’t it? Who would be so dismissive about a parent choosing to pack a few powdered donuts for their first grader? Unfortunately, comments like these are a regular occurrence for me. Other areas I’ve faced criticism about include screen time, extracurricular activities, and clothing selections. You might wonder why I haven’t severed ties with this individual. After all, who needs such negativity in their life?
I did cut him out of my life over two years ago when we went through our divorce. However, I still have to engage with his emails due to his 50% custody rights over our children. We even have a court-appointed parenting coach to help us communicate better, yet the negativity continues.
This is the challenge of co-parenting with a narcissistic individual. Parents today are inundated with contrasting advice on how to raise their children—from circumcision to college admissions. Thankfully, we also receive encouragement to trust our instincts and ignore the noise. Nevertheless, every mother I know grapples with the fear of potentially harming their child, making parenting a journey fraught with self-doubt.
Anyone raising multiple children understands that each one—regardless of shared genetics or upbringing—is uniquely different. Adjusting parenting styles to meet the needs of each child takes practice, intuition, and an open mind. Criticism often breeds self-doubt, which can undermine our parenting decisions. This criticism typically manifests through sensationalized online articles, casual comments from acquaintances, or even our inner dialogue. Yet, in an ideal scenario, the other parent should be a source of support, a partner in nurturing healthy and happy kids.
Unfortunately, when co-parenting with someone who is abusive or controlling, this dynamic shifts. To them, the swim goggles you choose will never be adequate; the winter coat will always be too thin; and the chocolate milk will never be an appropriate accompaniment to the donuts you packed, regardless of your child’s preferences.
Ironically, I owe a degree of gratitude to my ex-husband. While he may never approve of my decisions as a mother—who sacrificed so much for my children’s well-being—his relentless criticism has made me immune to judgment from others. If I can brush off the disdain from my children’s father, then the opinions of strangers hold no weight. Whether I face disapproving glares for taking my 4-year-old to see a movie on a school night or passive-aggressive remarks about my son’s energy levels, I am no longer fazed.
This resilience stems from the reality that the one person meant to support me in raising our children actively works against me. As a result, I strive to be the best parent I can be, filtering out the competitive noise that surrounds modern parenting. I’ve learned to silence my inner critic, who often suggests I’m failing, and stand firm in the knowledge that I am doing my very best for my children.
In conclusion, while co-parenting with a difficult ex-partner can be a daunting experience, it can also lead to personal growth and a stronger commitment to one’s parenting journey. For those facing similar challenges, resources like American Pregnancy offer valuable guidance, while tools like the At-Home Insemination Kit and the Cryobaby Home Intra-Cervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo can assist in navigating the path to parenthood.
Keyphrase: co-parenting with a narcissist
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