In elementary school, my partner was quite the trendsetter. Drawing inspiration from popular shows like Miami Vice, he donned vibrant pink shirts, crisp white sport coats, and stylish jeans, taking great care with his appearance. Each morning, he would meticulously style his hair and practice a confident swagger. He enjoyed befriending girls, participated in a boys’ choir, and exuded a high level of self-assurance, feeling great about his situation as a 10-year-old.
However, his confidence drew unwanted attention from some classmates who felt compelled to challenge it. These bullies would confront him on the playground, shouting or even shoving him. But he remained unfazed. When they commented on his attire, he would respond with a casual, “Thanks, I like it too,” before returning to his friends. His confidence in expressing his individuality was unwavering.
Fast forward three decades, and we now have a 9-year-old son, who, much like his father, is drawn to brighter colors, friendships with girls, and music. Sadly, he is significantly more sensitive than his dad ever was.
One of the first instances of bullying he faced was from an adult. At around 3 or 4 years old, he donned a Tinker Bell costume while playing with two girls at his babysitter’s house. When their mother arrived, she loudly questioned, “Why is that boy in a dress?” The babysitter responded, “He’s having a great time,” but the mom persisted, as if worried her daughters would be influenced negatively. The babysitter, wise and supportive, simply said, “Embrace it, I’m sure.”
Prior to this encounter, our son had no idea that wearing a dress might be perceived as unusual. After hearing the remark, he asked me about it, and while I felt a surge of anger, I managed to reassure him. Thankfully, he continued to express himself freely and enjoyed his playtime as Tinker Bell for a good while afterward.
Since then, he has experienced bullying related to his non-conformity to social norms. Observing this, I see a parallel to my partner’s past, but with a child who is more affected by the opinions of others. He has faced comments about his speech, been teased for playing with girls, and even mocked for his choice of clothing.
Our son isn’t inclined to stand up for himself, so teaching him strategies to cope with bullying has become crucial. He understands how to assert himself by saying, “Stop,” and after learning the importance of reporting incidents to a teacher, he has begun to speak up when necessary. He has also learned to avoid children who might diminish his self-esteem or individuality. He knows how to navigate these challenges.
Fortunately, he has a strong support network and is generally accepted for who he is. His closest friend is a girl, and we reside in a community that values diversity. However, I worry that external influences have made him shy away from expressing himself fully; he now favors muted colors instead of his beloved pink. Interestingly, he channels his creativity through designing beautiful dresses for paper dolls at home.
As parents, we must instill in our children the understanding that it’s unacceptable to undermine another child’s spirit. Empowering them to embrace their individuality is essential, but equally important is fostering respect for others’ choices. The first bully my child encountered was a parent, a mother whose words were heard by her children. We must remember that our children observe and absorb our actions and words. We have the ability to model acceptance for them.
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In summary, fostering resilience and individuality in our children while encouraging acceptance and respect can help them navigate bullying situations more effectively.