When I reflect on my teenager, Lily’s early childhood, I envision her as a wonderfully charming little girl. Sure, she wasn’t the best sleeper, but aside from that, she was generally an easy baby. As a toddler, I could set her down with a pile of picture books, and she would flip through them one by one. When others inquire about her younger years, I describe her as pleasant, agreeable, and serene.
However, it seems my recollection may not be entirely accurate. While perusing a journal I kept during her infancy (those early years certainly come with their own perks), I stumbled upon this observation: “This child is the most strong-willed kid I’ve ever encountered.” Interesting. Perhaps my sweet angel had a feisty side I had conveniently forgotten.
As I continued reading, I realized my memories of her early years were even more distorted than I had thought. Yes, she could be cheerful and easygoing, but she also threw tantrums, slept poorly—far worse than “not the greatest”—and often refused to cooperate. Specific memories began to surface: her writhing during diaper changes, the phase when she would wail in public for no apparent reason, and those sleep-deprived nights when I truly questioned whether anyone could function on just two hours of sleep. I had evidently pushed those uncomfortable recollections aside.
This phenomenon, which I like to call “momnesia,” reflects the brain’s tendency to forget specific events of the parenting journey. As mothers, our neural resources shift from storing long-term memories to answering endless questions from a curious toddler or figuring out how to manage the budget for extracurricular activities. Consequently, we lose a lot of both short-term and long-term memories.
Momnesia is particularly pronounced for those of us with multiple children. The challenges of early parenthood—the sleepless nights and temper tantrums—often merge into a vague memory of “Yes, those early years were tough.” My recollections are likely clearer because I documented so much of it. Without that, I might have continued to believe that my first child was a little angel.
This leads me to question the validity of claims made by seasoned parents that their children never engaged in certain behaviors. Statements like “My kids never had tantrums” or “My children never came into my room at night” seem dubious. While there may be rare exceptions where some children miss out on common childhood behaviors, the vast majority of us cannot fully trust the memories of parents with older children. Some may disagree, but I stand firm on this point.
Just as women often forget the pain of childbirth, most mothers overlook the intricate details of early parenting. We perceive those years of new motherhood through a filter of nostalgia, despite believing we remember it accurately. We might insist we recall the challenging moments, but the reality is that we often do not recall them in full detail. This is particularly true for mothers who are just emerging from the demanding phases of nursing, diapering, and sleepless nights.
So, dear new moms, approach our advice with caution. While we may have valuable insights to share, if we claim our children never displayed certain behaviors or that they never did X, Y, or Z, don’t panic and assume your child is an outlier. Just nod along and remember that we likely suffer from momnesia—and are blissfully unaware of it.
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Summary
In conclusion, the phenomenon of momnesia affects our memories of the early years of parenting, often leading to distorted recollections. Experienced mothers may present an overly rosy picture of their children’s behavior during infancy and toddlerhood. New mothers should take this into account when seeking advice, as the realities of parenting are often more challenging than they are remembered.
Keyphrase: momnesia in parenting
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