My son has a penchant for vehicles—cars, trucks, and anything that zooms by. He’s energetic, spirited, and often catches the attention of passersby who comment, “He’s such a boy!”—sometimes with a hint of amusement, but the approval is evident.
However, my son also cherishes dolls, princess costumes, and sparkly wands. When given the choice, he consistently opts for pink and purple crayons. Yet, this aspect of his personality often goes unnoticed, or worse, dismissed as merely him imitating his older sister.
At just 2.5 years old, he remains blissfully unaware of the societal expectations that categorize certain interests as “for girls.” I hope he continues to embrace his love for pink pants and dresses, but I fear he might feel pressured to abandon them as he grows older. While he exhibits traits associated with boys—such as being fast and loud—it saddens me to think he might feel compelled to forsake his “girl” toys and attire.
What truly breaks my heart is the constant reinforcement of these gender norms from well-meaning onlookers, with little acknowledgment of his fondness for pink. Sure, he delights in receiving gifts themed around trucks and trains, but during our last visit to the doctor, he chose a princess sticker over a car one, and when I offered him a choice between pink or blue cups, he eagerly picked the pink one.
Because he appears so typically boyish, many assume I dress him in purple pants and pink shoes out of stubbornness, picturing me as a militant feminist mom. In reality, my son loves both trains and princesses, and he chooses to pair his truck shirt with butterfly leggings. He’s not just “such a boy”; he is a child with diverse interests that have yet to be constrained by societal expectations. I wish more people would recognize and celebrate his whole self.
You might wonder if this is really significant. After all, if my son is drawn to cars and climbs high at the playground, surely he will be just fine. But my concerns extend beyond him. Each “such a boy” remark resonates deeply with me because it reflects a broader societal issue. Many children can’t easily hide parts of themselves that don’t conform to these stereotypes and are left feeling isolated and shamed, especially transgender and gender-nonconforming kids.
When a story circulated about a father in Germany who wore skirts and nail polish to support his gender-nonconforming son, many of my social media contacts praised him as “Best Dad Ever!” Yet these are often the same individuals who express a desire for a daughter to buy cute dresses, while simultaneously making comments about “boys and their trucks” when they see my son run toward a tractor.
Many liberal parents claim they would support their children if they identified as transgender, vowing to respect their preferred pronouns. However, this support falters when we perpetuate ideas that box children into binary gender roles. What we communicate about gender in front of our children has a lasting impact. When kids hear adults assert that girls should wear jewelry and boys must love sports, they internalize the idea that boys who enjoy jewelry or girls who play sports are somehow different or wrong. This contributes to the bullying and exclusion that children who defy gender norms often face.
So, while it’s nice to hear compliments about my son’s truck shirt, I urge you to also recognize and praise his butterfly leggings. It’s important, and it matters.
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In summary, it is crucial to recognize and embrace the full spectrum of interests that children can have, free from the constraints of gender stereotypes. Every child deserves the freedom to explore their identity without fear of judgment or exclusion.
Keyphrase: gender expression in children
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