Dear Mom and Dad,
It’s been quite a while since we last connected. I find myself grappling with so much to share, but I’ll start with the most significant news. I married Jake a few summers back, and then on November 11, 2012, I received my first positive pregnancy test. My immediate reaction was, “Wow, it actually worked!” I reached for the phone to call you, eager to share the joy of becoming grandparents, but I hesitated. Did you know that? The moment was bittersweet, overshadowed by your absence.
During my first trimester, I experienced significant morning sickness. Although you couldn’t have made it disappear, Mom, having you there to drive me to the midwife or the pharmacy for my medication would have been comforting. One night, as I battled extreme nausea, I wished for you to hold my hair back, just like you did when I was a child. But you weren’t there.
I labored for almost 24 hours with Mia. I was anxious about going to the hospital, fearing they might send me home. I had never been through labor before, but you had, Mom. You and Dad could have guided Jake, urging him to get me to the hospital in time to avoid unnecessary pain in our home, which had already seen its share of hardships. Yet, there was silence from you.
In case you were unaware, everything turned out well. There were no complications, and delivering Mia was among the happiest moments of my life. However, a few days later, I noticed Mia’s eyes resembling yours, Mom, and I broke down in tears. Did you know that, Mom? Mia had a severe case of jaundice, which led us to the NICU. We were released a few days later, but I truly could have used your support. You never came to visit.
Watching Mia grow and achieve new milestones has been indescribably rewarding. You should have seen her take her first steps, so proud of herself. It was challenging when she started recognizing family members, yet you weren’t the ones she became accustomed to seeing. You’re her grandparents, and you’re my parents! Do you understand how heart-wrenching that was for me?
Before I knew it, I was pregnant again—sooner than we anticipated, yet we were excited. I worried about managing two kids under two. Although my brother and I are eleven years apart, I would have appreciated your advice and support as I adjusted to life with two little ones.
During my 20-week appointment, we learned the sex of the baby. We had the technician put it in an envelope, intending to share the news with you both in person. Instead, Jake and I discovered we were having a boy at a beautiful spot we visited together. Did you see us, Mom? Jake shouted it into the sky. Dad, you were finally getting a grandson! I wanted to reminisce about that baseball glove you gave me when I was eleven, imagining you playing catch with our son, whom I named after you.
The kids call you Nana and Papa. Every day, we look at your picture and say “Hi.” Mia tells me you’re “up in the blue sky” watching over her and her brother. Did you know how often I wished for you to be here? I don’t want you to feel guilty about any of this, so let me clarify something.
Mom, I called Aunt Karen when I saw that first positive test. We reminisced about how thrilled you and Dad would have been and how incredible you both were with kids. Aunt Sarah drove me to pick up that prescription when I couldn’t keep anything down. She rubbed my back and expressed regret that it wasn’t you doing it. Karen came over when I was in labor and held my hand before we headed to the hospital. My mother-in-law, Lisa, was present during Mia’s delivery, assuring me that you were with us in spirit. Sarah brought us coffee while we were at the NICU. And Jake, well, he truly is the angel you sent to me. I know that.
None of them can replace you, but they have made things a bit more manageable. Some days are easier to navigate, while others feel overwhelmingly heavy without you. I’ll make sure my children know about the remarkable people you were, and how much you loved them. I won’t reveal how painful it was for you to envision these moments from afar, knowing you would not be here to share them. Did you realize how difficult life would be without you by my side? Did it hurt to know illness would rob you of the chance to meet my husband and children?
Sometimes, when I laugh, it sounds just like you, Mom, and my kids get to hear your spirit. Dad, I often find myself breaking into silly songs and dances like you used to do, allowing my children to play along with memories of you. It’s not easy navigating this journey without my parents, but I’m taking it one day at a time. I talk about you frequently and think of you every day. I wonder if you know all of this.
With love,
Claire
In Summary
This heartfelt letter illustrates the profound impact of loss on parenting and the longing for familial support. It highlights the irreplaceable bond between parents and their children, even in the face of absence.
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Keyphrase: Parenting Without Parents
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