Navigating Parenthood with OCD: A Personal Perspective

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By: Claire Williams

Updated: April 27, 2017

Originally Published: May 6, 2016

Throughout my life, I have grappled with various eccentricities that have triggered significant anxiety. As a child, I often felt the need to meticulously rewrite assignments until the handwriting met my exacting standards. Minor inconveniences would preoccupy my thoughts for hours. Meal times were particularly challenging, as even the most innocuous eating sounds could elevate my agitation to an extreme level.

At the age of 19, I received a diagnosis: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Since then, I have explored numerous therapeutic options, with mixed results. A consistent regimen of anti-anxiety medication has proven effective, and after three decades, I have learned to identify my triggers.

One common misconception about OCD is how it is often trivialized in popular culture. You may have heard phrases like “I’m so OCD” used casually to describe being particular about something. However, this trivialization inaccurately simplifies the disorder. OCD is not merely about cleanliness or being overly organized. For those affected, seemingly trivial issues can lead to overwhelming anxiety and fears of catastrophic outcomes if they are not addressed. The severity of the impact varies from mild disruption to complete impairment.

The dynamics of my OCD underwent a significant transformation when I became a parent. As my children grew, I found myself fixating on typical child-related matters: messy hair, eating with their mouths full, and disorganized school papers. Despite my efforts to keep my issues from affecting them, I often struggle to maintain control. I frequently catch myself reminding them to “chew with your mouth closed,” and while I recognize that I may come off as nagging, my reactions often feel automatic, driven by an urgent need to eliminate the perceived problem.

During a recent trip to Disney, I faced numerous potential triggers: crowds, close quarters, and tightly scheduled activities. Although I managed to navigate the experience reasonably well, the overwhelming excitement of the Halloween party led me to step back from a carousel ride with my children. I regretted missing that moment, yet my anxiety fixated on the mechanics of the ride, leading me to irrational thoughts like “the carousel could be dangerous.”

Children naturally create messes and situations that can be triggering, and as a result, I strive to embody the “chill mom” persona, which is no easy feat. I often feel like I fail in this regard. Well-meaning friends advise me to “just relax,” as if doing so were a simple task. However, it’s challenging for them to comprehend how something as innocuous as a sticky popsicle or slurping sounds could provoke such intense anxiety. The more I attempt to rationalize my feelings, the more absurd I may seem.

My hope is that despite my various quirks, my children will know they are adored for who they are. I want them to understand that my occasional nitpicking stems from my struggles, not theirs. Each day, I commit to ensuring that my OCD does not intrude upon their joyful childhood. I aspire for them to look back fondly on their experiences, recognizing that although I may have been a bit high-strung at times, I encouraged them to explore their world, engage in play, and embrace the messiness of life. My OCD is a part of me, but it does not define my ability to be a loving mother.

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Summary

This article explores the complexities of parenting while managing obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The author shares personal experiences with anxiety and the challenges of maintaining a balanced perspective while raising children. Through self-reflection and acknowledgment of their struggles, the author hopes to foster a loving environment for their kids despite the obstacles posed by OCD.

Keyphrase: Parenting with OCD

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