When my first child, Oliver, was born, he would only sleep if I held him in my arms, cradled like a football. My partner, Sarah, and I divided our nightly duties: she took the first half of the night, while I handled the second half. Those evenings were filled with long hours spent staring at the television, bleary-eyed and wishing for an easy solution to help him sleep. Like many parents, we scoured the internet for answers.
We began with the widely recommended “cry it out” method, a strategy that proved to be one of the most challenging experiences of my parenting journey. Sarah and I debated this approach for weeks; she found it cruel, while I maintained it was necessary—even as my eyes struggled to stay open. With both of us working full-time and me juggling college classes, I often found myself dozing off on public transport, waking up in unfamiliar places. “I can’t do this anymore,” I finally confessed.
We decided to give it a try, placing Oliver in his crib and allowing him to cry. I offered intermittent comfort without picking him up. After three grueling nights, filled with a blend of exhaustion and emotional conflict, I almost broke down myself. It was heart-wrenching to hear him cry while doing nothing. I’ll admit, he did start sleeping better—for a brief period—until he caught a stomach virus, which turned our world upside down.
Once he recovered, he was back in my arms at night. Surprisingly, I found I didn’t mind it as much. Keeping him close felt far less painful than enduring those crying sessions. Fast forward nine years later, and I haven’t permitted any of my three children to cry it out.
With two daughters and a son, we’ve tried countless methods to encourage sleep. We implemented sleep schedules, but they rarely stuck due to our hectic lives. We experimented with essential oils, which were about as effective as snake oil, and even attempted to prevent daytime naps, leading to days that felt like a sleepless marathon with a very cranky child.
We often tried to time their sleep based on their drowsiness, which frequently meant sacrificing meals or academic commitments to get a squirmy child down. We applied various aromatherapy lotions infused with lavender, chamomile, and ylang-ylang, only to find that they either had the opposite effect or left me more exhausted than before.
What frustrated me most was that every parent who suggested these remedies assured me they would work wonders. When they didn’t, I questioned if something was wrong with my child. My middle child would only fall asleep in her high chair with soft music playing and everyone else out of sight. While this arrangement raised concerns for Sarah, I reassured her, “It’s not like she’ll be in college sleeping in a high chair.” And I was right; both of my oldest children, now 9 and 6, have settled into a routine.
Of course, they still resist bedtime. They push back and drag their feet, but generally, by 8:30 p.m., everyone is asleep—except for our youngest, who is nearing 2 years old. To get her to sleep, I play “Baby Einstein: Lullaby Time” on repeat, clear the room, and hold her on the couch for what often feels like an eternity. As I watch the same visuals loop, I sometimes feel like I’m in an altered state of consciousness, pondering the simplicity of a train moving in a circle.
During those long nights with my youngest, I reflect on how both older children eventually learned to sleep through the night. It took much longer than I hoped, and Sarah and I often exchanged words that only sleep-deprived parents could utter—moments filled with love but overshadowed by exhaustion. I remember assuring her that our middle child wouldn’t always sleep in her high chair.
Despite my desire for my toddler to sleep, and the frustration of the drawn-out process, I recognize that time was the ultimate solution. To any parents out there struggling with their own restless little ones, I want to emphasize that it does get better. There is hope. Your children will eventually learn to sleep, and while various methods may or may not work, the true keys are unconditional love and patience—qualities you undoubtedly possess in abundance.
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In summary, parenting can be an exhausting journey, especially when it comes to sleep training. While it may feel overwhelming at times, remember that love and time are your greatest allies in nurturing your child’s development. Hang in there—better nights are ahead.
Keyphrase: sleep-deprived parents
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