It’s not as if I’ve been caught off guard. The signs have been evident for months. Yet, I held on to the hope that this was merely a temporary phase, that my child would eventually come around, or at the very least, show a little more courtesy. While I project a strong demeanor, I often feel quite vulnerable beneath the surface. Just like anyone else, I have emotions. Right now, I feel a mix of betrayal and a touch of bitterness. I understand it’s a normal part of parenting, but it’s still tough. I like to believe there are still individuals who appreciate my presence. Under the right circumstances, I consider myself rather enjoyable to be around. I’m certain at least one person might even label me “fun.”
It seems my young son has grown weary of my company. He constantly inquires about playing with his friend Alex, down the street. “Can I go to Alex’s house? Can Alex come over? Could you please call Alex’s mom to arrange a playdate? I really want to go to Alex’s!” This barrage of requests happens every few minutes.
I can understand why Alex seems more appealing. For starters, I lack the enthusiasm for playing with toy cars, a game that Alex seems to relish. It appears that the part of my brain responsible for imaginative play has completely shut down since I turned ten. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot tap into that realm of creativity, and my attempts often result in awkwardness. I know that well-meaning individuals might advise me, “Cherish these moments. Play cars now, for one day you’ll wish you did and miss those invitations.”
While I appreciate the sentiment, I must respectfully disagree.
I do engage in other activities. I read stories, play catch, bake cookies, ride bikes, and facilitate art projects. I’m familiar with hide-and-seek and many classic board games. I can even drive us to various places, such as the park, the pool, or the store.
“I don’t want to go to the store again! It’s so boring!” he protests.
There was a time when he loved accompanying me on errands. He would eagerly ask to join, and I didn’t need to entertain him or offer incentives. We simply enjoyed being together. Nowadays, I find myself having to justify why spending time together should be appealing. It feels like a job interview, where I’m sitting across from him, nervously twisting my hands, trying to prove my worthiness, all while silently criticizing poor little Alex in my mind.
Last week, I sat in a chair as my son launched 60 water balloons at me. Sixty! After enduring the drenching, I received not even a hug of sympathy. Instead, I was left with a disappointed child seeking a more engaging playmate. I even constructed a custom car wash out of a cardboard box for him to use with his cars, a project that took me an hour and lasted all of seven uses.
“Can I go to Alex’s house now?” he asked after the car wash was exhausted.
“Not today,” I replied.
“Can you have a baby brother for me instead?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It’s because I’ve had as many children as I can handle, both physically and emotionally.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means my heart is full.”
Even if I were inclined to have another child (which, for the record, I am not), it wouldn’t be long before that child would be nearly five, thriving, heading off to kindergarten, and likely seeking independence from me. The reality is, I can’t continue having children! It’s painful and expensive.
With just one month left before summer arrives with the other two children who have seemingly moved on without their mother, the pressure is mounting. My son has a future filled with countless playdates with Alex planned, while mine remains uncertain.
I have feelings too! Who will be my playmate when I want to engage in imaginative play?
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Summary:
A mother reflects on the emotional shift in her relationship with her son as he grows more independent and seeks playtime with friends over time spent with her. She navigates feelings of betrayal and the challenge of maintaining a connection, while also acknowledging the inevitable changes that come with parenting.
Keyphrase: My Child is Growing Out of My Company
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