Every holiday season, my grandmother generously sends money not just to me, but also to my partner and children. It’s an incredibly thoughtful gesture. I typically use my share for festive activities that come with the season, like outings that can add up quickly. I want to clarify that I choose to spend this money on my family voluntarily. However, when I find myself in a particularly cheerful mood, I might splurge on something like a movie after matinee pricing has ended—treating myself to some indulgence.
This year, my partner—an exceptionally kind-hearted individual—made a financial decision that surprised me. He indulged in a purchase he had long desired, a decision that, quite frankly, reflects a certain level of privilege. He bought noise-canceling headphones.
These headphones are typically seen on travelers seeking to escape the hum of an airplane or in bustling work environments, providing an oasis of calm amid chaos. However, my partner didn’t buy them for those logical situations. He bought them to use at home.
When I confronted him about the sheer ridiculousness of this idea, he struggled to maintain a straight face. Why? Because it’s hard to explain to your loving family that you invested a significant sum in a device meant to block them out. A tool designed to create an illusion of being present while simultaneously tuning out the very people you care about.
Over the past decade of parenting, I’ve come to realize that my maternal instincts are wired differently than my partner’s paternal approach. I can sense when a child stirs in their sleep, bracing for a potential nightmare. Part of my brain remains vigilant in “mom mode,” regardless of what else is happening. I accept this instinct as essential for our survival as a species.
If you’re looking to send a subtle, passive-aggressive message to your family, wearing noise-canceling headphones while sitting together in the same room does the trick. No words are needed. The message is clear and loud.
Life can be overwhelmingly noisy, especially with children in the mix. We all crave moments of tranquility—this I understand. But there are healthier ways to cope with stress than pretending it doesn’t exist. And if something were to happen to the kids while you were blocking them out, the repercussions would be profound.
This article was originally published on April 18, 2016.
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In summary, my partner’s decision to buy noise-canceling headphones, while seemingly trivial, highlights a deeper conversation about privilege, parenting dynamics, and the necessity of being present in our children’s lives despite the chaos. It’s essential to find balance and connection rather than retreat into a bubble of silence.
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