As a dedicated sports mom, I find myself spending about a third of my life sleeping, another third contemplating dinner options, and the final third supporting my children at various youth sporting events—soccer, basketball, lacrosse, and football. These countless hours on the sidelines allow for some profound inner reflection and perhaps a bit of soul-searching, not to mention the chance to indulge in a pack of Sour Patch Kids without judgment.
While I genuinely enjoy watching my kids compete—or sometimes just sit on the bench—let’s face it: after attending countless games, it becomes increasingly challenging to maintain unwavering focus. This is likely why my thoughts often drift to the following musings:
- Why are we always parked so far from the field?
- Did I really forget my blanket again? Oh wait, it’s in the car—but the dog threw up on it. Should I grab it anyway? Gross. Well, maybe if it gets frigid.
- This chair is utterly uncomfortable.
- Why do I always end up with the broken chair? I might be stuck here until everyone else leaves. My knees are practically at my chin. Just smile, no one can tell.
- How old are those kids on the opposing team?
- They look enormous! That kid over there doesn’t look 10—does he have a mustache? He’s old enough to drive himself here and probably buy beer on the way home. Ha! I’m so funny. I could really use a beer right now, even though I don’t even drink beer.
- I adore this sport.
- Do I have cankles?
- Am I the only one still wearing capris? Time for a shopping spree. Nobody looks good in capris anyway—except that mom over there. I bet she does Pilates or barre.
- I wonder if there’s a bar nearby.
- How many minutes did my son actually play? Three? I should really get an app to track that. But wait—do I ever use apps? Mmm… appetizers… I could go for buffalo chicken dip, but not edamame. They’re just trendy lima beans.
- Was that a raindrop?
- I think I felt rain. Please let that be rain.
- Wow, that guy is obnoxious.
- Oh, wait, that’s my husband. He’s not a jerk; I must just be tired.
- Is that a bee? Can’t get out of my chair! IS THAT A BEE?!
- It’s too cold for spring.
- I wish I had my blanket. I need to wash that blanket. There’s laundry to do. I need to empty the dishwasher, clean the closets, and organize that stack of papers on the kitchen table. We need a new kitchen table. Maybe a new kitchen altogether. We should move.
- Is that my son on the field?
- What number is he again? Why is that other kid always playing? Oh, right—coach’s son. He’s not great, but he just scored. Total ball hog.
- Wow, I certainly missed a spot shaving—like my entire left leg and my right.
- Uh-oh, she’s coming my way to chat.
- What’s her name again? Whatshername…look straight ahead!
- I like her hair.
- I hate my hair.
- I definitely felt rain.
- What am I going to make for dinner?
- I loathe making dinner. Do we even need to eat?
- I need to use the bathroom.
- That’s a trek to the bathroom. Those facilities are disgusting—no toilet paper or hand towels, and why are there always spiders? I can hold it. I’m stuck in this chair anyway. I can’t feel my legs.
- I can’t believe I forgot my fleece/hoodie/raincoat again.
- Go blue!
- Am I shouting too loudly? That felt pretty loud. I sounded like Rosie O’Donnell or Roseanne Barr.
- Is there a bar nearby?
- What number is my son?
- Do I really have to make dinner?
- How many times have we had pizza this week? We could probably do pizza again. It’s not that bad for you… at least better than fried chicken or… crack?
- Did my child just score?
- Darn it, I missed it! I’ll tell him I saw it. Great job, honey! Oops, don’t say “honey.” Dude? Don’t call him dude.
- What inning is it? What quarter? What period? What day? That didn’t seem like a foul. Is it raining? I think I felt rain. Please let that be rain.
- Did we really have to drive two hours to play this team?
- I’m starting to hate this sport.
- I could really go for a bite of that guy’s pretzel.
- Oops, he’s looking at me. Did I just say that out loud? Maybe he’s checking out my cankles.
- What’s the score?
- I like her sunglasses—they make her look like Tina Fey. They’d probably make me look like Tina Belcher.
- Is that rain?
- That was definitely out of bounds. What’s the score?
- She seems nice.
- Never mind—she’s a screamer.
- Is this game almost done?
- Where did I park my car? Where is my other child? Where are you now that I need you? Great, now I have that Justin Bieber song stuck in my head.
- I could really go for shrimp and linguine.
- Wow, that is random. With a glass of wine… now you’re talking. Wasn’t that a movie? Who starred in that? Bruce Willis. Where are you, Bruce?
- Did I even bring my other child?
- Where are you… get out of my head, Justin. Do I hear thunder?
- I should probably take some photos.
- Darn it, memory full. Delete, delete, delete… oh cute! Delete, delete. What’s the score?
- Overtime? Oh no. Please, no.
- I really need to pee. Was that rain?
- Please let that be rain.
This article was originally published on April 17, 2016.
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In summary, navigating the world of youth sports as a mom is filled with a mix of enjoyment, frustration, and endless distractions. The experience provides ample opportunity for reflection, humor, and a few snacks, all while managing the chaos of both the game and everyday life.
Keyphrase: youth sports parenting
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