I no longer observe Father’s Day with my father. It’s not due to his passing; rather, my biological father is now a woman.
To clarify: the individual who contributed the sperm that created me has transitioned and now lives as a woman. This includes surgical changes and adopting a new identity, complete with feminine attire and makeup.
I wish such transformations were universally celebrated and accepted, without hesitation or judgment. Unfortunately, for many, including myself, this can be a challenging journey to navigate. Just as my father took years to embrace her true self, I too needed time to fully accept her transition.
I learned of my father’s gender identity in my mid-twenties during a holiday visit with my husband. My father requested a private conversation, which made my heart race with worry. Was there bad news about his health? When we finally sat down, he revealed, “There’s a woman inside of me. I cross-dress sometimes to let her out.”
Stunned, I was momentarily speechless. Thankfully, my husband responded with unwavering support, saying, “Richard, we love you no matter who you are.” My internal shout echoed, “Exactly! But do you have any pictures?” My father laughed, and in that moment, I understood that her identity was something to embrace.
Now, she goes by the name Jessica. While I quickly accepted Jessica’s new identity, I also grappled with feelings of loss. I sought therapy to explore these emotions, realizing that grief and acceptance can coexist. I mourned the father I once knew, the grandfather my children would miss, yet I also welcomed this new chapter in our lives.
Jessica, with her background in engineering, likened her transition to upgrading computer hardware while maintaining the same software. This analogy resonates well, and it’s essential for fostering greater understanding of transgender identities. Ultimately, a person’s character should define them, and Jessica is kind, generous, and loving.
It is disheartening to witness how some adults struggle with this concept. I often refrain from discussing Jessica with certain friends, unsure of their ability to respond with understanding. In contrast, children tend to process complex emotions more readily.
Once, my daughter asked about my father while exploring her family tree. I explained, “My father was a man named Richard, but he felt like a woman inside and changed to match that.” After a moment, she simply said, “That’s sad; you don’t have a dad. But I love Grandma Jess, and I’m happy to have her.”
Even at a young age, she recognized the bittersweet nature of transformation, accepting our family’s changes with open arms. Jessica has become her authentic self, and I wholeheartedly support her happiness. Though I no longer have a traditional father, I still have a parent—just in a different form, as a transgender parent.
Celebrating my transgender parent can be complicated during holiday seasons. Father’s Day feels inappropriate, as Jessica wishes to distance herself from that label, and Mother’s Day doesn’t fit either. However, I’ve realized that I don’t need a specific holiday to appreciate my parent; this can happen every day.
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In summary, my journey to embracing my transgender parent has been one of acceptance, loss, and ultimately, love. Jessica’s happiness is paramount, and I continue to celebrate her identity every day, beyond societal expectations.
Keyphrase: embracing transgender parent
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