Three years have passed since my daughter was stillborn, a time that has been filled with both joy and profound sorrow. These contrasting emotions coexist within me; I am happy yet deeply bereaved. The absence of my daughter, whom I named Emily, still leaves a palpable void in my life. The unexpected wave of tears can come at any moment—like when I spot a little girl, around three years old, wearing a ponytail and a floral dress in a store. She reaches for her younger sister’s hand, who is nearly two, the same age as my living child. In those moments, I can’t help but imagine what could have been; that could have been Emily and her sister, Zoe. My longing for her persists, even when I think I’ve moved past the initial shock of loss.
The love I have for Emily endures; her physical presence may have faded, but my affection remains unwavering. I wish society would recognize that grief is a manifestation of love—a natural response to losing someone who held a special place in our lives and whose potential was abruptly cut short. In the early days following my loss, I often heard people describe me as brave. Brave for what, exactly? For continuing to live? For facing another day without her? For openly expressing the pain of missing her? While I can understand why others perceive these acts as courageous, the truth is that grieving openly should not be viewed as an extraordinary feat.
“You are so brave for sharing your story,” some would say. To me, this statement felt odd. Why wouldn’t I share Emily’s story? Why wouldn’t I grieve openly? I loved her during her life and continue to love her in her absence. That love does not cease simply because she is no longer with me. Grieving is merely an extension of parental love, and it should be seen as a normal aspect of parenting.
As I share my story in more public forums, I am often labeled as courageous for speaking about my daughter, whom I deeply cherish. It feels strange to think of discussing her as an act of bravery. Isn’t it typical for a mother to miss her child? Isn’t it natural for a mother to talk about her child, regardless of the circumstances surrounding their absence? It should not require courage to express grief; it should be an accepted part of our lives as parents—especially for those of us who are navigating the complexities of bereaved parenting.
I hope that friends, family, colleagues, and healthcare professionals can broaden their understanding of grief. Love for a child does not diminish with their passing, regardless of the time we had together—whether measured in weeks, months, or days. Whether they were lost in the womb or in our arms, the love remains. Thus, so does the grief. It is merely a part of parenting—a different kind of parenting, but parenting nonetheless.
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In summary, grief is a profound expression of love that does not diminish over time or circumstance. It is a normal part of parenting, highlighting the enduring bond between a parent and their child, whether present or lost.
Keyphrase: Grief and Parenting
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