I never intended to be a Dream Crusher. Yet, there I stood in the kitchen, my son wailing that I was “destroying his dreams.”
“Destroying your dreams?” I replied, astonished.
At just 8 years old, my son’s aspiration was to play in the NFL. I reminded him how few players actually reach that level, and he countered that this was precisely why he needed to start practicing immediately. Overwhelmed, he fell into a heap of tears, lamenting the demise of his dreams. I told him that his father and I would discuss it, but internally, I thought, Absolutely not, you are not playing football.
My heart, however, was torn.
This was not my first challenging parenting decision, nor would it be the last, but it felt uniquely difficult. I respected all viewpoints in the debate surrounding youth football participation. What compounded my dilemma was the absence of a clear intuitive sense regarding the right choice—a guiding instinct I have relied upon in other parenting situations. While experts provide their opinions on such matters, practicality and personal intuition play significant roles. Though I’ve made choices contrary to expert advice in areas like breastfeeding and screen time, I lacked the personal experience to navigate the complexities of allowing my son to play football or partake in other potentially hazardous activities. If I restricted football, would I also need to prohibit skateboarding, hockey, or skiing?
Frankly, I was uncertain.
Let me clarify: I am acutely aware of the safety concerns associated with football. I have researched head injuries, perused articles discussing mental health issues among former players, and listened to statements from renowned athletes criticizing the sport. My husband and I took these risks seriously, as we should.
Yet, I also had to weigh the risks of denying my son the opportunity to play football. I didn’t want to become a Dream Crusher—what parent would? However, I also feared fostering an environment where my son might develop a fear of risks or doubt his aspirations. Perhaps it stemmed from my own cautious childhood, but I want my children to embrace challenges—be it riding a bike without hands, downhill skiing, or venturing into new job opportunities—despite inherent risks. Instead, I aim to educate them about these risks, helping them balance potential dangers with possible rewards to make informed choices.
My parenting style could be best described as controlled risk-taking. For example, when my son decided to climb the tall pine tree in our yard, I paused only to capture a photograph before reminding him to exercise caution. Although I dislike categorizing parenting styles, I lean more toward the free-range approach rather than the helicopter style.
Nevertheless, as parents, we inevitably draw lines concerning activities we deem unsafe, irrespective of our children’s ability to manage those risks. We don’t allow our children to dash across busy streets, play with fire, or ride bikes without helmets (though, I confess, we sometimes do but feel guilty about it).
Thus, regardless of our ultimate decision, I didn’t want to react hastily with a simple “yes” or “no” without thoroughly discussing the risks with my son. To me, it was crucial for him to understand how we arrived at our conclusion, perhaps even more than the decision itself.
Ultimately, we decided to let him play, with the understanding that we would reassess the situation over time. Our rationale was that he could try it out and likely move on before the risks escalated. However, just a week before the season began, he took a ball to the stomach and concluded that perhaps football wasn’t for him after all.
“Are you sure?” I inquired.
He was certain. The following day, he opted out of football and signed up for baseball instead.
For the moment, I can remove the Dream Crusher label from my parenting résumé. But just last week, he expressed his desire to become a football player when he grows up.
So, perhaps I will need to pencil in Dream Crusher on my mom résumé after all.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of parenting often involves balancing dreams and safety. While it’s important to support our children’s aspirations, we must also weigh the potential risks involved. Each decision requires careful consideration and open communication between parent and child.
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