Earlier this week, a friend of mine shared her disbelief over a comment made on her friend Mia’s social media post. I gazed at the words in the forwarded screenshot: “Hey, sorry your kid is a retard, but God works in mysterious ways. 🙂 Enjoy.” My heart sank. Instantly, I recalled the first time I encountered that term. A boy named Tommy stood isolated beneath the jungle gym, surrounded by a group of kids hurling pebbles and taunting him. The chant “Retard, Retard” rang out across the playground.
At just 6 years old, I didn’t comprehend the impact of those words. I went home, gleefully repeating, “Retard, Retard. Tommy is a retard.” My usually gentle mother reacted with fierce anger. “What did you just say?” she demanded.
Confused by her reaction, I replied, “Retard. There was a retard on the playground.”
“Don’t say that word. It’s a very hurtful term,” she said, kneeling to meet my eyes. Her gaze made me uneasy. “He’s a person with a name. It’s Tommy.”
My mother’s admonition echoed in my mind as I envisioned Mia’s lovely son in the same predicament. His tousled brown hair dirty and his bright green eyes welling up with tears as he faces ridicule for being different. Is that what lies ahead for him?
Mia’s son has a name. His name is Ethan, and he is 5 years old. While he has autism, he is so much more than his diagnosis. Ethan adores playing video games and is an imaginative builder with his blocks. He demonstrates remarkable skill with math and shows promise as a future architect. When his mother is upset, Ethan is quick to ask what’s wrong and comforts her with heartfelt declarations of love.
Ethan. His name is Ethan.
Those who invoke the R-word often argue in favor of “free speech.” They might ask, “What’s the harm? It’s just a word. Retard. Don’t be oversensitive. It was merely a joke.”
However, there’s nothing humorous about the child on the playground standing alone, encircled by onlookers like a spectacle at a carnival, ridiculed and abandoned. No one deserves to endure such treatment, especially a small child, and certainly not from an adult who should know better.
I refuse to let Ethan or any other child suffer for being unique. I was unable to assist Tommy back then, but I can take action now. We all can. We can be mindful of our language and refuse to be bystanders.
There is a campaign called “R-Word: Spread the Word to End the Word.” Its goal is to eradicate the use of the R-word for several reasons:
- The R-word EXCLUDES individuals with cognitive differences, suggesting they are unworthy of association with the broader community. This notion is absurd.
- The R-word DEHUMANIZES those with cognitive disabilities. It is simpler to bully someone who lacks the dignity of a name.
- The R-word INJURES those with cognitive differences, implying that anyone with an intellectual or developmental disability is unintelligent and lacks value in our world, which is utterly ridiculous.
Visitors to the R-word site can take a pledge: “I pledge to support the cessation of the derogatory use of the R-word in everyday conversation and to promote the acceptance and inclusion of individuals with intellectual disabilities.”
My course of action is clear. I choose Ethan and Tommy. I made this pledge after finishing this article. What will you choose?
March 2 serves as Spread the Word to End the Word Day. To get involved, visit www.r-word.org and commit to abandoning the use of the R-word.
In an age where language shapes perception, it is crucial to use words responsibly, particularly when discussing sensitive topics related to individuals with disabilities. For those interested in home insemination options, exploring resources like Make a Mom’s CryoBaby kit or their 21-piece at-home insemination kit can provide valuable information. Additionally, Resolve.org offers excellent insights into family-building options.
In summary, our choice of words matters deeply; they can either uplift or harm. Let us all choose to be advocates for kindness and respect.
Keyphrase: “The impact of derogatory language on children”
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