As I embarked on my journey into motherhood, I felt well-prepared. In my late 20s, I was married, educated, and had established a consulting business that allowed me to work from home with flexibility. My extensive experience included babysitting, camp counseling, tutoring, and mentoring. By age 22, I had worked with over 1,000 children, including those with disabilities during my first job as a camp counselor for a program supporting children with cerebral palsy. I thought this background would equip me for anything—until I met my son, who challenged every notion I had about parenting.
I quickly discovered that despite my experience, I was far from ready for the unique challenges of raising a child with special needs. I often found myself questioning how my son could differ so greatly from the other children I had encountered. Surely, I had learned something from my previous roles, right?
Understanding the Challenges
Consider this scenario: your 8-year-old son, diagnosed with ADHD and autism, is generally doing well but is being taken by a babysitter to an activity he dislikes. On the way, the sitter stops for a drink, and your child suddenly erupts in a fit of screaming, darting around the store, leaving the sitter and employees in disarray until one threatens to call the police.
In the early days, my father advised me to stop reading parenting books and trust my instincts. I wish I could say that advice worked like a charm, but parenting a child with special needs is a different landscape entirely. Welcome to the world of “Not Very Intuitive Parenting” (NVIP). This approach requires you to intentionally set aside preconceived notions and instincts about child-rearing.
Implementing NVIP Strategies
In the scenario above, my first action was to ensure safety by sending my son to his room. Next, I consulted with a child psychologist to determine appropriate consequences. I created a visual schedule of activities for him to understand what to expect. Juggling full-time work and medical appointments for both of us, I also explored social story software to better communicate with him.
Using NVIP means abandoning the notion that a stern look will suffice as discipline; my son does not interpret non-verbal cues. I learned that verbal communication is crucial, even when I feel frustrated. While traditional advice suggests against bribing children, I found that incentivizing positive behavior is a legitimate and effective strategy. Techniques such as applied behavior analysis require tracking behaviors like following directions and social interactions—none of which felt intuitive at first.
The Importance of Understanding
It’s important to clarify that when I employ NVIP strategies, I often wish to explain, “This isn’t what it looks like!” Yes, when I comfort my son after a tough moment that appears to be mere misbehavior, there is usually a deeper battle he is facing that you may not see. My responses, shaped by expert guidance and extensive assessments, may seem unreasonable to outsiders, but they are carefully crafted to meet his needs. Initial attempts to follow conventional wisdom did not yield the desired results.
While maternal instinct remains vital—like knowing when my child has a high fever from a simple kiss on the forehead—I have also developed new instincts tailored to my son’s unique needs. The absence of a traditional parenting playbook has forced me to forge my path. My advocacy skills in medical and educational contexts have empowered me, allowing me to trust my instincts, which have evolved through collaboration with specialists, online communities, and current research. I now often rely more on this specialized knowledge rather than purely instinctual responses.
Finding Your Way
If you find yourself feeling lost in the world of parenting a child with special needs, remember that it’s perfectly okay. Parenting is not simply a matter of instinct; it involves adaptation and learning. The love driving you to support your child is the most intuitive aspect of all.
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Summary
Parenting a child with special needs often requires a shift away from traditional instincts and approaches. It involves intentionally implementing strategies based on expert advice and tailored to the child’s unique needs. The journey can be challenging and requires learning and adaptation, but the love for your child remains the most instinctual and guiding force.
Keyphrase: Parenting a child with special needs
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