I found myself at a birthday gathering for a friend’s child when an interesting moment occurred. My infant was comfortably nestled on my right hip, the position he finds solace in, when my spirited toddler made his way over, clinging to my pant leg. “Mommy, Mommy, hold me, Mommy!” he implored. Without hesitation, I lifted him onto my other hip.
As fatigue began to set in, I attempted to place my baby down. His response was immediate—he erupted into a high-pitched wail that could rival a banshee’s cry until I scooped him back up. I then decided to set my toddler down, but he quickly protested, “Mommy, I need you,” with an expression that tugged at my heartstrings.
Seeking a solution, I located a spacious armchair and nestled both of them close until they were satisfied. My toddler was the first to break free, drawn to a towering Lego creation. Meanwhile, the baby lingered, still content in my embrace until he caught sight of the snack table. He pointed eagerly at the treats, prompting me to make him a small bowl of cheese. Just as he was enjoying his snack, a woman, likely a relative, leaned in and said, “You really should put that baby down, you know? He won’t learn to walk if you keep carrying him around. You’ll spoil him.”
I chuckled nervously, a typical response when feeling embarrassed. “No thanks,” I managed to reply, fumbling for a more articulate comeback.
“This isn’t good for either of them,” she continued, motioning toward my toddler.
Despite her comments, I held my baby close for the duration of the party. I engaged in laughter and conversation, but inside, I was seething. Why didn’t I stand up for myself? Why did I let her unsolicited advice get to me?
As I sit here now, comfortably typing away, I feel ready to address her comments.
Dear Stranger,
If holding my children means I’m spoiling them, then I’ll gladly accept that label. I would rather have children who feel loved and secure than deny them the warmth of my embrace. Interestingly, there are adults who actually pay for hugs due to a lack of physical affection in their lives. Perhaps you’d benefit from joining one of those groups; it might help you reconnect with your humanity.
To me, spoiling has always meant satisfying material desires—overindulging in toys rather than fulfilling genuine emotional needs. My children enjoy a mix of both, but they thrive on affection. They require and desire to be held frequently, and I embrace this need because that’s what parenting is all about.
Allow me to share some of my multitasking capabilities while holding my baby: I can apply skincare, do my makeup, and even manage personal hygiene without needing to set him down. Cooking, cleaning, and tidying can all be accomplished with him in my arms, while my toddler flits back and forth for cuddles and conversation.
I will continue to carry them on my hips, use various baby carriers, and ensure they feel secure and loved. I’ll respond to their requests for affection until they no longer ask, knowing that this day will come when they’re grown and nurturing their own children.
But for now, I hear tiny hands tugging at my pant leg. Someone is ready for a cuddle, and the other wants to be lifted, simply because.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go and spoil my kids.
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Summary:
In this candid reflection, the author discusses the importance of holding and comforting children, countering unsolicited parenting advice that suggests otherwise. She emphasizes the emotional needs of her children, advocating for the value of physical affection as an integral part of parenting. Ultimately, she expresses her commitment to nurturing her children by embracing their needs for closeness and security.
Keyphrase: parenting and physical affection
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