Ten years ago, I discovered I was expecting my first child. The last decade has been an extraordinary journey filled with challenges, triumphs, unexpected events, and delightful surprises. According to various parenting specialists, I have likely made countless errors along the way.
As a new mother, the mistakes I perceived loomed large. One of the most significant was my decision to stop breastfeeding. Let me clarify: I fully support breastfeeding and advocate for a woman’s right to choose how she nourishes her child. For many mothers, breastfeeding fosters a deep connection with their infants; however, my experience was quite the opposite. I managed to breastfeed my first son for a painfully long six weeks, during which I found myself resenting the process. My struggles with breastfeeding deepened my postpartum depression and hindered the bond I craved.
Ending my breastfeeding journey was a tough decision laden with guilt and shame. Society often tells us that sacrificing our needs is essential for our children, emphasizing that “breast is best.” While this holds true for many, it was not the case for me. Ultimately, quitting was the most suitable choice for both myself and my son. Acceptance took time, but when my second son arrived three years later, I was resolute in my choice not to breastfeed at all.
Do I admire mothers who find joy in breastfeeding? Absolutely. But as Amy Poehler wisely said, “Good for you! Not for me.” I also broke other “rules” during my early parenting days. Recognizing my need for rest, I sleep-trained my son at just a few months old and followed a rigorous nap schedule, often rushing home to ensure he could nap in his crib rather than in the car for a mere five minutes.
I took countless photographs during my first son’s infancy, allowing myself to get lost in the distraction of capturing moments. While this may contradict the ideals of mindful parenting, it also provided me with a necessary diversion that helped combat the shadows of postpartum depression.
Now that my children have grown beyond the baby stage, my so-called “mistakes” have evolved. I occasionally let out a curse word in front of them, explaining that knowing when to use such language is a skill. I allow my 9-year-old to sleep with a comfort item, rationalizing that orthodontic costs are a minor trade-off for peaceful nights. And unlike my early parenting days, I find myself taking fewer photos, which sometimes makes me anxious about not documenting our family’s memories. However, I remind myself that I am actively cherishing everyday moments in my own way.
Perhaps the most significant “flaw,” according to many parenting experts, is that I raise my voice. I tend to yell during sibling squabbles or when my kids take too long to get ready. Yes, I understand yelling is not ideal, and I recognize that calm responses are preferable. Still, I’m overwhelmed with guilt at times. However, I also apologize to my children and share my feelings, helping us all learn that parents have emotions too.
In today’s world, everyone seems to have an opinion on the “right” way to raise children, providing a plethora of conflicting advice from doctors, psychologists, and fellow parents. This can create a sense of judgment among parents, leading to feelings of guilt and regret over perceived mistakes. What one parent considers a misstep may be a victory for another. Ultimately, there are countless valid approaches to loving and nurturing our children.
Over the past decade, I have made my share of what some might label mistakes—and I will likely continue to do so. However, I believe that regret should not be one of those mistakes. Perhaps these missteps are integral to the journey of parenthood, teaching us to trust ourselves and savor the chaotic yet beautiful ride.
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Summary
Reflecting on a decade of parenting, it becomes clear that perceived mistakes can be valuable learning experiences. Embracing individuality in parenting allows for personal growth and a deeper connection with one’s children. Regret holds no place in this journey; instead, the so-called errors are opportunities for trust and acceptance.
Keyphrase: Parenting mistakes
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