Updated: November 26, 2021
Originally Published: February 20, 2016
Recently, my third-grader mentioned that a school aide questioned his lunch, which predominantly featured snack items, and suggested he should opt for something healthier. “Mom,” he said, “maybe you should start packing me sandwiches again.”
My initial response was to chuckle. The last few sandwiches I prepared for him were left untouched. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Too mushy. Nutella? Not enough spread. Cheese sandwich? Soggy. The list goes on.
I’ve attempted to send him thermoses filled with pasta and leftovers from his favorite meals, but invariably, they come back with just a few bites missing or completely untouched. It’s clear that my son is a selective eater. Even at 9 years old, he presents challenges when it comes to food. While his eating habits have improved at home, where he does consume fruits, vegetables, and healthy proteins, the school lunchroom poses a different challenge.
The cafeteria is loud and bustling, a social hub where my talkative son often prioritizes playing with friends over finishing his lunch. Additionally, I suspect he possesses an enhanced sensitivity to taste and smell; the sight and aroma of cafeteria food do not appeal to him at all.
While my son hasn’t been diagnosed with sensory processing issues, he exhibits several associated traits—sensitivity to fabrics, a low pain threshold, and his notoriously picky palate. Over the years, I’ve learned not to push him too hard. Picky eating can persist well beyond toddlerhood for many children, and most do outgrow it eventually. According to parenting expert Dr. Linda Hart, it’s normal for picky eating to last until age 10, and sometimes even into the teenage years.
To ensure he gets enough nourishment, I pack foods he will actually eat—often granola bars, cheese crackers, and if I’m fortunate, a bag of nuts or raisins. I try to include protein with the carbs, but fruits and vegetables are a no-go unless he’s at home.
This approach might not be ideal, but like many parents, I’m simply doing my best with the situation at hand. For now, I’m grateful he comes home having eaten something.
Regarding the aide’s comment, I understand her perspective. If I were to glance at my son’s lunch box, I might share her concern. I might wonder whether his mother was uninformed about nutrition or simply disinterested. However, I wouldn’t voice those thoughts. A lunch box offers too limited a view to evaluate a child’s overall diet—just as I wouldn’t judge another parent based on their child’s messy hair or wrinkled clothing. We can’t possibly know the full context of their home life.
I do not believe the aide intended to judge me; her inquiry was straightforward. Nevertheless, such questions often carry implicit criticism, which my son undoubtedly noticed. When I asked if he truly wanted sandwiches he wouldn’t eat, he replied that he didn’t, but he wanted to avoid appearing odd to the school staff.
Eventually, he moved past it, and so did I. However, I was left feeling exposed. I briefly considered contacting the school to explain the reasoning behind his lunch, but I realized I had nothing to prove. I would sound foolish trying to justify my 9-year-old’s eating preferences.
This experience underscored the vulnerability parents feel in the face of criticism. Even after nearly a decade of parenting, I find myself ruminating over my child’s lunch choices. The scrutiny surrounding our parenting choices, including how we feed our kids, is unlikely to lessen as they grow older. The silver lining is that with time, I’m becoming better at letting go of these concerns.
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In summary, as parents, we often face scrutiny regarding our choices, particularly in relation to our children’s nutrition. While it’s natural to want the best for our kids, we must also recognize that every family has its unique circumstances. What works for one child may not be ideal for another.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Lunch Choices
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