This article may not resonate with everyone, but it is intended for those mothers who truly need to hear these words. For her, I am writing this.
I have a delightful, joyful, and healthy child whom I am fortunate to call my daughter. She embodies everything I have ever hoped for and so much more. Each day, I strive to ensure she feels grounded, nurtured, and loved without limits.
Yet, I am still the same person I was before becoming a mother.
I anticipated that motherhood would transform me in profound ways. While I knew I should experience a surge of love and connection upon her birth, that overwhelming wave never arrived. I remained unchanged.
In the days following her arrival, I found myself waiting for the intense emotions that others described so vividly. Well-meaning messages from friends and family asked questions that made me question myself:
- “Are you completely in love?”
- “Does looking at her fill your heart with joy?”
- “Do you feel a sense of completeness now?”
I assumed motherhood was defined by a passionate love for a being who relies on you entirely. I envisioned feeling whole upon welcoming my first child, imbued with an instinctual maternal wisdom.
The reality, however, was that I didn’t fit that mold of a mother.
I had already achieved a sense of completeness before motherhood. My partner and I invested considerable effort into preparing for our child, ensuring that we would provide a safe and loving environment. I battled through the challenges of pregnancy for 38 arduous weeks. When my daughter was placed in my arms, I anticipated a monumental shift in my perspective, but instead, my world merely adjusted.
I continued to wait for the feelings that would validate my identity as a mother. They never manifested.
I felt like myself, merely with added responsibilities. I was still the same person who enjoyed leisurely mornings and cherished evenings with friends. This realization brought a wave of shame. I felt like a failure for not experiencing the emotions that were supposedly inherent to motherhood. I worried that my inability to feel profoundly connected meant I was letting my daughter down.
The guilt that accompanied this shame was overwhelming.
Now, 18 months into my journey, I can confidently say I was not failing.
Motherhood is a complex blend of emotions: it can be turbulent, tiring, fulfilling, and humbling. The personal shifts can be subtle and gradual. I may not feel like a different person, but if I look closely, I can see the changes. I have become more affectionate and understanding of other mothers’ choices. However, at my core, I am still me—and I embrace that.
I appreciate who I am as an individual, a partner, and yes, even as a mother. Maintaining my identity allows me to demonstrate to my daughter that my life encompasses interests and aspirations beyond parenthood. I refuse to let societal expectations dictate how I feel about my own emotional journey. For her, and for myself, I will navigate this path authentically.
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In summary, motherhood does not have a universal experience; it is a personal journey that varies greatly from one individual to another. Embracing who you are, while evolving in your role as a parent, is essential for both your well-being and that of your child.
Keyphrase: maternal love misconception
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