By: Emily Harper
Date: Feb. 15, 2016
There exists a version of myself that feels genuine, the one I confront every morning while gazing into the mirror, my eyes still heavy with sleep and my expression lacking inspiration. Then, there’s the persona I refer to as my edited self. This is the individual who emerges from the chaos, carefully concealing the blemishes, scars, and gray hairs, presenting a polished image to the world. This is my public identity, the one who interacts with others.
Since embracing motherhood, I’ve felt an intense urge to portray myself as a more cheerful, accomplished, and well-adjusted person than the one who truly exists behind closed doors. This internal conflict has been troubling me lately, prompting me to share the contrasts between my edited self and my authentic self:
- My edited self promotes the benefits of a balanced diet, complete with fruits, vegetables, and exotic grains I can hardly name. My real self, however, sometimes survives on a diet that’s 80 percent chocolate, coffee, and whatever cookies I can scavenge.
- My edited self diligently reads about peaceful parenting and confidently asserts that I will always strive to employ these contemporary methods with my children. Conversely, my real self often loses patience during my child’s tantrums, my voice trembling with frustration and sounding anything but serene.
- When meeting other parents in my children’s social circles—be it at the playground, school, or birthday parties—my edited self appears friendly and at ease. In contrast, my real self frequently feels awkward, embarrassed, and out of place among these seemingly cooler moms, reminiscent of my high school days when I felt like an outsider.
- My edited self maintains a rational perspective on germs, remaining calm when my child eats a gummy bear off the gym floor or attempts to lick the walls at the pediatrician’s office. My real self, however, panics quietly and begins Googling the worst possible medical outcomes, spiraling down a rabbit hole reserved for the truly anxious.
- My edited self gives the impression of having adjusted well to life without my mother. In reality, I wish she were still here to guide me, and I know that no matter how much time passes, I will never truly “get over it.”
- My edited self boasts a fulfilling, busy life beyond parenting. However, my real self grapples daily with reclaiming the person I once was before having children and wonders what identity will remain as they grow more independent.
- While my edited self engages in various enriching activities with my kids—such as library story time, music, and arts and crafts—my real self often finds herself distracted, frequently checking her phone, computer, and to-do list instead of being truly present.
- I readily encourage friends to be kind to themselves and not dwell on perceived parenting missteps. Yet, when it comes to my own mistakes, my real self is harsh, critical, and prone to emotional hangovers.
Although it may seem simpler and more socially acceptable to navigate the world as an enhanced version of myself, I’ve come to realize that we sacrifice something vital when we keep our authentic selves hidden away, with flaws and emotional struggles relegated to a dark corner. We are all in this parenting journey together, and by connecting authentically rather than maintaining a safe distance, we can better understand that everyone faces unique challenges.
Support and understanding are essential, and these are easier to offer and receive when we embrace our true selves. Regardless of our differences, we all love our children deeply and cannot envisage life without them. And that reality will always remain.
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Summary
The author reflects on the disparity between her edited self, which presents a polished image to the world, and her true self, which grapples with the challenges of motherhood, identity, and emotional struggles. By acknowledging these differences, she emphasizes the importance of authenticity and connection among parents, ultimately fostering a supportive community.
Keyphrase: My Edited Self Vs. My True Self
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