As a mother to my spirited daughter Mia, who is not even three yet, I find her energy and confidence remarkable. She occupies her space unapologetically, whether it’s causing a little chaos or even passing gas in public—she simply doesn’t care. However, I recently encountered a disconcerting moment when Mia blurted out, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” and it left me stunned. As a parent striving to model empowerment, I couldn’t help but wonder what I might have done to contribute to this behavior.
This moment was followed by her running up to her younger sister, playfully smacking her face before bouncing off to the fridge asking, “Mommy, can I have a yogurt drink?” It dawned on me that this “I’m sorry” was more of a reflex, much like the time she overheard me discussing digestive issues to her father, and then proceeded to sing about it in the grocery store.
What truly concerns me is the possibility that I have unwittingly taught her to apologize for simply being. Women often find themselves apologizing excessively, as if the phrase “I’m sorry” has become a verbal filler, akin to “um” or “ah.” Research indicates that women frequently perceive themselves as having committed offenses, leading to higher rates of apology compared to men.
However, if we evaluate societal behavior, it’s clear that women are not inherently more objectionable than men. The statistics regarding criminal behavior reflect this, with men incarcerated at a rate of approximately ten to one compared to women. Research has shown that women tend to exhibit more altruistic traits, suggesting they are simply more aware of how their actions may affect others, often prioritizing others’ feelings over their own.
This cultural conditioning encourages women to gauge their worth based on external perceptions rather than self-acceptance. When Mia apologized, she was likely mimicking an adult behavior, with that adult possibly being me. Thankfully, she hasn’t internalized it yet, but this emphasizes the need for change.
It’s essential for us to challenge this narrative—for ourselves and for the next generation. We should claim our space, uplift one another, and resist the urge to diminish our presence. The act of apologizing for our existence must be scrutinized and ultimately unlearned.
So how can we enact change? In a situation like that in the grocery store, I could have stood confidently, declaring, “Yes, I do have digestive issues; I’m human! It’s a natural occurrence!” Perhaps I could even take a step further and consciously attach “not sorry” to every time I instinctively say “sorry.”
By defying societal norms, women can create discomfort and challenge the status quo. What if I embraced my authenticity without apology? I believe that in doing so, Mia would continue to flourish in her confidence and strength.
In summary, as mothers, it is crucial to recognize the impact of our words and behaviors on our daughters. By consciously unlearning the habit of excessive apologizing, we can empower our children to own their space and assert their identities confidently.
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