Why I Appreciate Your Untidy Home

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Recently, I took my two children to visit a friend’s home before heading to work. As she opened the door, she greeted us with, “Pardon the clutter.” Toys, books, and building blocks were scattered throughout the living room, forming a chaotic landscape that only children could create. This scene felt all too familiar, as I had just left a similar environment behind.

While I cannot speak for my friend, the phrase “pardon the clutter” is something I often say to my own guests when I feel a sense of embarrassment or inadequacy. It’s a phrase I use when I’m slightly uneasy about how far behind I am on household chores. I utter it while imagining other homes in immaculate condition—even in those hard-to-reach places (let’s be honest, cleaning behind toilets is rarely enjoyable).

My friend embodies confidence and composure, likely feeling no embarrassment as she acknowledged her disarray. Yet, if she did share my sentiments, I hope she understands my reaction upon my arrival.

Before stepping into her home, I felt immense gratitude knowing she would care for my children while I pursued my writing goals. I was thankful for the adult conversation and for the joy her boys would bring to my children’s day by inviting them into their play. The state of her home did not diminish my appreciation for her in any way.

Upon entering, I sensed a feeling of acceptance. By sharing her mess with me, she was allowing me into her personal space. The individuals I hold dearest are those who see me in all my unpolished moments—from messy hair and sweatpants to overflowing laundry baskets and unwashed dishes. With them, I can lower my defenses and reveal my chaos without fear of judgment.

I aspire to extend this same openness to others, but I often find that my pride acts as an obstacle. It creates a false sense of protection, shielding me from those who might judge my messy home or my post-pregnancy appearance. It may seem trivial, but it’s the reality.

When another mother reveals her untidy home to me, it feels like a sincere compliment. I am genuinely honored and wish for her to recognize how much I respect and admire her for it. So, if you find yourself welcoming me into your home, rest assured that if it’s a bit disorganized, you are not alone.

Embrace the mess, mama. There’s no need to apologize. We’ve all been there, and it’s perfectly okay.

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In summary, the presence of a messy home should not evoke feelings of shame. It can foster connections and remind us that we are all navigating the challenges of parenthood together.

Keyphrase: Messy home appreciation

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