When my youngest child entered kindergarten a few years back, I suddenly found myself at the center of attention. As a stay-at-home mom, my life sparked curiosity among peers. Out of the blue, people I hadn’t interacted with in years were eager to know how I planned to fill my time while the kids were in school.
Many assumed I would pursue further education, find a job, or immerse myself in volunteer work. However, my honest response—“I’m simply going to focus on myself for a bit”—was met with disapproval, except from my partner, Jake, who cheered me on. “Yes, sweetheart! Taking time for yourself means more intimate moments for us!”
Despite my efforts to share relatable experiences, like the time I donned my son’s knee pads to scrub our grout with a toothbrush (a reminder that pee can stain grout beyond recognition) or my dedication to mastering headstands, it seemed nobody was interested in those details. I found myself questioning why their opinions mattered.
With all of my children occupied at school, I enjoyed six hours of solitude each weekday—apart from occasional school breaks, holidays, sick days, and various appointments. But if I opted to place my children in daycare for a few hours of “me time” during that period, that should be my prerogative.
If I choose to breastfeed my toddler and newborn in public, it is my decision. However, if I attempted to do the same with your child, that becomes your concern. If I enjoy a glass of wine while my child is present, that is my choice. But if you see me driving with my kids while drinking a bottle of red wine, that is, indeed, your business.
If I allow my 10-year-old to walk a short distance to school with a friend, that does not concern you. Conversely, if I leave my child (or pet) in a hot vehicle while I run an errand with a frantic expression, that is a situation that warrants your attention. Similarly, if I allow my child a soda on special occasions, that is not your concern, but if I invite your child over for a playdate and disregard their dietary restrictions by serving them a bacon cheeseburger, that becomes your business.
In the digital age, if I express myself through colorful language on social media, that is my choice. However, if I refer to your child in a less-than-flattering manner, that is your business. If I decide to take a night job in adult entertainment to fund my children’s education, that is not your concern, but inviting your child to witness my performance certainly is.
If I deem it appropriate for my child to view a PG-13 film or allow your daughter to binge-watch a scary series with me, those decisions are mine. The same applies if I choose to have important conversations with my child about sensitive topics early on; however, if my child inadvertently shares that knowledge with yours, then it is your concern.
As a 40-year-old navigating parenthood, it is clear to me that my happiness is maximized when I focus on my own family rather than others’. With two children in the throes of puberty and another who has mastered the art of creating spitballs at dinner, I have enough on my plate without taking on extra concerns.
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In summary, parenting choices are deeply personal, and while others may feel inclined to voice their opinions, it is essential to remember that every family navigates their own path. My parenting decisions are mine alone, and I am content focusing on what works best for my family.
Keyphrase: parenting choices
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