When my first child, Emma, was born, my life revolved entirely around her. My daily routine was meticulously planned around her naptimes, feeding schedule, and emotional needs. Sure, there were some exceptions, but as a stay-at-home mom, I had the flexibility to cater to her every requirement, which I embraced wholeheartedly. After all, a well-rested, satisfied child translates to a happy mother. I admit, I was a bit overly focused and perhaps even obsessive, but isn’t that common among new parents?
Then came my second child, Liam. Within weeks, I found myself strapping him into his car seat while juggling a screaming infant and rushing to drop Emma off at school. (Is it just me, or do newborns despise car rides?) Not only was Liam’s world dictated by his older sister’s schedule, but my attention was also split. I quickly realized that I needed to grant myself some grace in the parenting department, or we would all lose our minds.
All my idealistic visions of parenting were tossed aside; flexibility became essential for survival. Fast forward to today, and Liam is now 3 years old, and I find myself adopting practices with him that I would have never considered with Emma. Some of these changes stem from necessity, while others arise from sheer exhaustion. Here are a few notable examples:
1. Using Treats as Incentives
As a new mom, I looked down on parents who resorted to bribes like M&Ms for potty training or kept candy on hand for tantrums. I believed there were healthier ways to handle tough moments. Now, when it’s time to pick Emma up from school and Liam refuses to wear pants, I might pull out my “organic” lollipops (crafted with organic sugar and vegetable dye). Let’s be honest; I’m bribing him with candy because I need him dressed—like, right now.
2. Incomplete Baby Milestone Books
With Emma, I meticulously documented every milestone: her first coo, first bath, and even her first laugh at the ceiling fan. I even recorded her first little spit-up! With Liam, however, we’ve noted his first word and maybe when he took his first steps, but I can’t recall the details. Plus, I’m not sure where that baby book is hiding.
3. Relaxed Screen Time Policies
I still remember the joy Emma expressed when she first saw her beloved characters from the Max & Ruby books come to life on screen. We waited until she was two to introduce TV. Liam, on the other hand, commandeered the iPad the moment he could crawl, while I was busy cooking dinner and hoping the house didn’t turn into a disaster zone.
4. Earlier Indulgence in Junk Food
Emma thought granola bars were a treat and didn’t sample ice cream until she was nearly two. Her first birthday cake was a fruit-sweetened banana loaf. By the time Liam came along, Emma was a candy-loving kindergartner. At just six months old, Liam discovered Emma’s Halloween stash, and let’s just say he became quite familiar with Hershey’s kisses.
5. Less Frequent Checkups
Emma’s doctor’s visits felt like therapeutic sessions, and I scheduled her appointments meticulously. In contrast, Liam is lucky if I remember to brush his teeth, let alone book a dental cleaning. I still ensure he gets his necessary checkups, but the timing and frequency are far less structured. Speaking of which, I should probably schedule his checkup—three months late.
6. Spontaneous Playdates
Emma had an active social calendar filled with weekly playdates and numerous toddler classes. Liam, however, tends to tag along, and while he has friends, his playdates are much less frequent. His closest pals are often older, and he spends his afternoons chasing after second-grade girls.
Allowing myself some leniency in these areas has taught me that kids are surprisingly resilient. A little extra candy or screen time isn’t detrimental—having Pirate Booty for breakfast isn’t a crime either. While I still strive to maintain some routine with naps and bedtimes, I’ve learned that missing a nap or staying up late every now and then doesn’t spell disaster for my children (though it might for me).
Ultimately, these adjustments have made me a more relaxed and effective parent. The pursuit of perfection is not only unrealistic but can also be overwhelming. My kids seem to enjoy my company more when I prioritize laughter and cuddles over maintaining a spotless home. I still hold certain standards for myself and my children, aiming to keep their lives wholesome and straightforward, but I recognize that there are multiple paths to achieving that goal.
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Summary:
Navigating parenting with a second child often leads to a shift in previously held standards. From relaxed screen time to spontaneous playdates, parents learn to adapt and prioritize flexibility over perfection, ultimately cultivating a more enjoyable family dynamic.
Keyphrase: parenting after your first child
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