As we stood in an excruciatingly long line under the sweltering June sun, waiting to enter the auditorium for our youngest child’s middle school graduation, the sense of dread began to creep in. Having already experienced this four times with our other children, the overwhelming crowd and sluggish pace were daunting. Then, to our dismay, we spotted a relative in front of us—someone we had a restraining order against due to past abuse and harassment. In that moment, we made a decision: we stepped out of line and took a stroll around the block, eventually finding ourselves at a nearby pub, sipping refreshing drinks and prioritizing our emotional well-being over attending the ceremony. Our son, Liam, was none the wiser about our absence.
Although this may sound callous, there is a common narrative in parenting that insists every milestone is crucial. In truth, our presence at the graduation made no significant difference. We didn’t share our choice with Liam; we simply met him after the event for pictures and to celebrate in our own way. The graduation ceremony itself left us questioning its significance. Today’s parents often overly celebrate ordinary achievements, with high school and college graduations deemed worthy of grand parties, while transitions like leaving kindergarten or junior high seem to be treated similarly. However, we need to remember that these are just steps along the journey.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. The current trend leans toward a backlash against the coddling of children, where participation trophies are handed out for mere attendance. Many kids have never walked to the park alone, prepared their own lunches, or spent a day without hand sanitizer or sunscreen. Parenting blogs and websites are filled with discussions on this topic (check out “helicopter parent” for a glimpse of the dialogue). The parents who juggle the responsibilities of raising children from birth through their mid-20s often need a moment to breathe, and this might mean forgoing elaborate celebrations.
For my husband and me, that moment came when we realized standing in line was turning what should be a happy occasion into a stressful ordeal. The expectations placed on parents can be overwhelming, and sometimes we need to prioritize our own well-being. In our case, we have tried to balance indulgence and discipline, attending as many games and events as possible while ensuring our children had their needs met, if not always their wants. So far, we’ve guided four out of our five children toward fulfilling lives. Missing one event that held little weight for us didn’t cause any harm; in fact, the world continued spinning as it should.
If there’s a silver lining in this experience, it’s the realization that we can occasionally say “no” without catastrophic consequences. The sky didn’t fall, and the universe didn’t implode. For parents feeling the pressure to celebrate every little thing, this can be a significant relief.
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In summary, while it’s easy to get caught up in the rush to celebrate every milestone, sometimes it’s more important to take a step back and focus on what truly matters for both parents and children. Missing an event doesn’t equate to failure; instead, it can be a necessary act of self-care.
Keyphrase: Choosing to Miss Milestones
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