Thank you for making me feel inadequate as a mother.
It was 5 a.m., and I had spent the night cradling my baby. He wasn’t distressed; he was simply accustomed to being held during a previous teething episode and seemed intent on maintaining that routine indefinitely. After weeks of surviving on fragmented sleep, I was reaching my breaking point and desperately needed someone to offer solace.
Where did I turn in my moment of need? To my smartphone, specifically to my online parenting group filled with strangers who generously share advice during the wee hours. This community has been my lifeline through sleepless nights, breastfeeding struggles, and toddler meltdowns. There’s comfort in knowing that no matter how challenging things get, someone else is experiencing similar trials.
However, every group seems to have that one unsupportive individual.
After posting a heartfelt plea at 5 a.m., outlining my attempts to help my baby sleep independently (including letting him cry it out), I received some thoughtful suggestions and many messages of empathy. Just what an exhausted mom needs to hear. But amidst the supportive responses, I encountered this comment: “That poor baby, crying for an hour!”
Excuse me? Thanks for your judgment. That’s exactly what I needed to hear—that I was somehow failing as a mother for wanting a few hours of sleep. Because I had already tried various methods before resorting to letting my child cry, I was deemed unfit.
What did you think I was doing, Unsupportive Mom? Did you imagine I was lounging in comfort, sipping a drink while enjoying my baby’s cries? Did you think I was ignoring the situation, blissfully unaware of my child’s distress? Perhaps I was at a café, oblivious to my baby’s need for comfort?
In reality, I was tucked under the covers, staring at the baby monitor, eyes weary and tear-stained, feeling crushed by guilt as I listened to my child’s cries. I felt powerless, caught in a cycle of exhaustion and desperation. I reached out for help, and instead of offering support, you chose to shame me. Reflect on that for a moment—that’s truly disheartening.
As new mothers, we constantly question ourselves, argue with our partners about parenting styles, and are bombarded with unsolicited advice. The fear of inadequacy looms over us, and instead of providing a supportive environment, you choose to amplify those insecurities?
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In summary, we need to foster a community that uplifts rather than judges. Motherhood is challenging enough without the added pressure of criticism from fellow moms. Let’s strive for kindness and understanding instead of judgment.
Keyphrase: Unsupportive mom in online parenting community
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