In our household, we’ve opted out of the Santa Claus tradition. This decision isn’t a rejection of the beloved figure; it simply doesn’t align with our family values. We enjoy festive movies featuring Santa (the ones with Tim Allen are particularly entertaining), and we share the history of St. Nicholas with our children. However, we do not engage in the typical Santa customs: no cookies and milk, no lists of who’s naughty or nice, and no gifts attributed to the jolly old man.
I respect the countless families who do choose to celebrate Santa (snicker “do celebrate Santa”). Every family has its own cherished traditions, and for many, Santa is a significant part of their holiday experience. I harbor no ill will towards that.
What I do find slightly bothersome is when people ask my children what Santa brought them for Christmas. This usually happens in places like grocery stores or at the front desk of businesses. While I understand that these interactions are meant to be friendly, the underlying assumptions can be frustrating. First, it presumes that we celebrate Christmas, and second, that we partake in the Santa tradition. Is it simply because I am an average-looking white woman in America? That seems a bit presumptuous.
Many individuals likely don’t consider this perspective. Most Americans do celebrate Christmas, and a fair number of parents do engage with the Santa mythos (there it is again!). However, I would never assume that a random stranger I meet in a store adheres to the same beliefs.
The primary reason these inquiries discomfort me is that they put our children—especially the younger ones—in an awkward position. The question seems innocuous, but it carries a weight of expectations wrapped in holiday warmth and nostalgia. When my kids truthfully respond that we don’t do Santa, I observe the immediate change in the questioner’s demeanor; their smile fades, and the atmosphere becomes tense. It’s as if they feel let down, as though my child’s honesty has disrupted a pleasant exchange.
My children tend to be quite reserved, making interactions with strangers challenging for them. When posed with the question, “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” they have no choice but to disappoint the questioner. I’ve witnessed this scenario unfold repeatedly. The surprised reaction of the questioner leads to a brief, uncomfortable silence, leaving the kids feeling like they’ve done something wrong. It’s a significant challenge for a child aged 5 or 6 to navigate a situation like this, and they often look to me for guidance. I’ve learned to step in and respond for them, keeping the mood light: “Oh, we don’t actually do Santa,” and then I try to steer the conversation elsewhere. However, I dislike answering for them, as it creates an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.
All of this could be avoided if people refrained from making assumptions about others they don’t know. I’m not suggesting we should avoid holiday-related discussions altogether. There are plenty of alternative questions that don’t carry assumptions about someone’s beliefs or practices. Asking, “Do you have any plans for the holiday break?” is a perfectly acceptable approach. You could even refer to it as Christmas break if that holds significance for you; this phrasing still respects the other person’s perspective. However, questions like, “What did you ask Santa for Christmas?” do not.
This is simply a humble request. I recognize that discussions around “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays” can be contentious, and many folks feel strongly about the tradition of Santa Claus. Just remember that numerous families—even those who celebrate Christmas in every other way—choose not to engage with the Santa narrative. Despite your good intentions, making assumptions about their practices can result in awkwardness for both you and the child in question.
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In summary, being mindful of others’ traditions and choices can foster more respectful and enjoyable interactions during the holiday season. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in creating a more inclusive atmosphere for everyone.
Keyphrase: Parents Who Choose Not to Embrace Santa
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